Gaia Community: Blacksamba's Blog

the 12-Step Buddhist is Available NOW!

http://blacksamba.gaia.com — Sat, 07 Mar 2009 09:41:19 GMT

Hey everybody,

The book has finally hit the online stores. Did I mention that Bob Thurman wrote the Foreword? The first printing is 95% sold out already, even before the official release date of March 10th. You can take a look inside at Amazon.com and Google Books. Just search for the 12-Step Buddhist. Or click this link - http://tinyurl.com/getthebook

As always, there's a lot going on on the website as well. There are several excellent reviews in the Media section, my book tour and workshop schedule, photoblog, videoblog, Twiters, the podcast and more.

If you'd like a workshop and/or speaking engagement in your area, please let me know now so I can get it scheduled.

Thanks and I hope you'll help get the word out about the book!

-d

http://the12stepbuddhist.com

Tags: addiction and Buddhism, Tibetan Buddhism, meditation, the 12-Step Buddhist

Podcast: Meditation on Death, Book Review: Intro to Tibetan Buddh

http://blacksamba.gaia.com — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 09:01:59 GMT

Book Review: A Concise Introduction to Tibetan Buddhism: http://the12stepbuddhist.com/?p=461

Podcast Episode 004 - Meditation on Death:
http://the12stepbuddhist.com/?p=455

Tags: addiction and Buddhism, Tibetan Buddhism, meditation, death

Eat Your Zen

http://blacksamba.gaia.com — Thu, 09 Oct 2008 21:21:07 GMT

http://the12stepbuddhist.com/?p=414

Excerpt, "Sure, Buddhism addresses attachment. But in the case of the addict it’s more like Attachment Gone Wild. For this we need a serious, specific form of medicine. For me, it’s the 12-Steps and my Buddhist practices. As a 12-Step Buddhist, I’m fully aware of this need to know the condition at a deep level because failure to stay in that knowledge almost cost me my life—more than once. It’s about knowing what the condition is and the condition is samsara. Part of what keeps us stuck in samsara is attachment. We just won’t let go, no matter how bad it hurts."

Read the full article at the link above.

-d

Darren Littlejohn
the 12-Step Buddhist
http:/the12stepbuddhist.com

http://booktour.com/author/darren_littlejohn

Buy the book: http://tinyurl.com/getthebook

Myspace: http://www.myspace.com/the12stepbuddhist

Get Meditations on Your Cell: http://tinyurl.com/dailymeditations

12-Step Buddhist Gear: http://www.zazzle.com/the12stepbuddhist

http://tinyurl.com/12stepbuddhiststicker

http://tinyurl.com/12stepbuddhistroundsticker

Podcast: http://tinyurl.com/12stepbuddhistpodcast

Review Podcast: http://tinyurl.com/12stepbuddhistreview

http://tinyurl.com/getthebook

http://groups.google.com/group/the-12-step-buddhist

Submit Question for Podcast: http://tinyurl.com/askthe12stepbuddhist

Twitter: http://twitter.com/12stepbuddhist

Facebook: http://profile.to/darrenlittlejohn
Book Fan Page: http://artist.to/the12stepbuddhist

Tags: addiction and Buddhism, Zen, attachment, meditation

What is Buddha Nature? Answer to win!

http://blacksamba.gaia.com — Sat, 20 Sep 2008 06:15:34 GMT

What is Buddha Nature? Answer to win!

Answer in the comments section at http://the12stepbuddhist.com/?p=377 The most interesting and original answer will win the person a free piece of 12-Step Buddhist Gear from the Zazzle store.

-d

Tags: buddha, buddhism, tibet, tibetan buddhism, buddhanature

Episode 002 - the 12-Step Buddhist Podcast is UP!

http://blacksamba.gaia.com — Wed, 06 Aug 2008 18:51:43 GMT

Episode 002 - the 12-Step Buddhist Podcast: 5 Min. Meditation of the Rock, Who is An Addict?

Website: http://the12stepbuddhist.com

Also in iTunes!

Format: 160kbps MP3

Time: 32:11

Highlights:

* Five Minute Meditation: of the rock

* Thanks to jazz pianist Clay Giberson for the show intro

* Darren's background 10-0-10

* Definition of addiction, abstinence in different programs

* Website features: How Many Buddhas?

* Ask the 12-Step Buddhist - audience question: How to do 12-Step recovery as an agnostic in a mostly Christian town

* Daily Meditation SMS program - Sign up for 12-Step Buddhist inspirational text messages

* Recitation from the Sutra of Golden Light, per Lama Zopa Rinpoche

Tags: addiction and Buddhism, 12 Steps, Buddhism, the 12-Step Buddhist, Recovery, Addiction, Podcasts, Twelve Steps for Budhists, Buddhist 12 Steps

New: the 12-Step Buddhist Podcast!

http://blacksamba.gaia.com — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 03:04:47 GMT

Hi,

I set up a new site based on the book, the 12-Step Buddhist. There's a new blog article called, "Getting Naked with the Guru," and a new podcast, along with some good resources.

I'd love it if some people would take a look and listen and let me know if it works, what's missing, if they don't like something, etc.

The podcast will be up on iTunes soon but it's home is here:
http://the12stepbuddhist.libsyn.com/

The website is http://the12stepbuddhist.com where the blog and other articles live.

thanks!

-d

Darren Littlejohn
the 12-Step Buddhist
http://the12stepbuddhist.com

Tags: 12 Steps, Buddhism, the 12-Step Buddhist, Recovery, Addiction, Podcasts, Twelve Steps for Budhists, Buddhist 12 Steps

Getting Naked with the Guru

http://blacksamba.gaia.com — Sat, 05 Jul 2008 00:12:36 GMT

For info on the book release, a chance to win stuff visit http://the12stepbuddhist.com

OM

Great Compassionate One, Lord Who Tames Sentient Beings,

Your blazing bodily form subdues mundane spirits.

Having achieved the levels, your body is beyond decline.

I salute and praise your form, which equals dharmakaya.

AH

From the center of the lotus crescent of your vajra tongue,

Your perfect and splendorous voice emanates and absorbs the subjugating mantras,

Pacifying, increasing, magnetizing and subjugating.

Supreme king of Secret Mantra, I salute and praise your speech, which equals the voice of Hayagriva.

HUM

The various shrine objects of body, speech and mind,

And glorious Samye, my sacred aspiration, were built and consecrated by you, Master.

I devotedly bow before you, equal to a nirmanakaya.

Though I am not worthy of requesting and beseeching you,

I beg you kindly to pay heed to me.

Please think of us with compassion and bestow upon us the sadhanas of Secret Mantra that give enlightenment within one lifetime.

Yeshe Tsogyal – The Lotus-Born: The Life Story of Padmasambhava; Rangjung Yeshe Publications

Guru: Sanskrit for teacher.

Lama: Tibetan for guru.

This is my first blog entry in a year, as I've been busy writing The 12-Step Buddhist. It is to be published by Beyond Words, a division of Simon and Schuster, on March 10th, 2009. Please consider pre-ordering, as this will affect the initial print-run. Now that it's complete, I've got some time to blog. As always, your comments are welcome. And if you like it, please share it with one of the Social Networking buttons found at the bottom of this article.

In the old days of my 12-Step recovery, they used to say that if you were going to make it in sobriety, you had to learn to "get naked." I mentioned this in a meeting recently and got a strange reaction. What they meant was that we needed to drop our rock, join the parade, and become emotionally vulnerable with another human being in our 5th Step, "We Admitted to God, to Ourselves and to Another Human Being the Exact Nature of Our Wrongs." In recovery, our sponsors were about the closest thing to a guru that most of us ever had.

I have, for all of my spiritual life, found it difficult to think of any man as a guru. Maybe the term guru has connotations that I find difficult to absorb. Not that I knew any, but I'd come across enough freaks to be suspicious of anybody spouting spiritual mumbo jumbo. As a teenager, I often attended huge outdoor rock festivals in the San Francisco Bay Area, where crazed naked hippies would dance for 10 hours in one spot—oblivious to anything but the groove, staring at things in space that only they could see. Whenever I heard the word guru, I pictured leftover seekers such as these, who'd probably gone to India to take acid with some hairy Hindu master in a diaper and returned in some strange condition.

As for the gurus themselves, I had no trust where they were concerned. I grew up in California in the 70's, when such famous names as Charles Manson, the Symbionese Liberation Army, and Jim Jones dominated the news. No purple cool-aid for me, thank you very much. I trusted no one, especially not priests, cops, and politicians.

As a 12-Stepper in the early 80's, I was even convinced that there was a guy in a mansion somewhere who collected all the dollar bills we put into the baskets at meetings. It was probably ten years before I felt comfortable adding money when the baskets were passed. So if you said "Guru," I said "Bullshit!" So back in 2005 when my sponsor said, "Dude, you need to find a guru," I said, "Uh, what the "F" are you talking about, man?"

I'd known John P. as a sober friend since 1990 and a few years back he'd replaced my sponsor John C. after he died of cancer. John P. had been to many places as a seeker. He'd read everything from Ramana Maharshi and Nisargadatta to Blaise Pascal. He'd even read Hitler's Mein Kempf looking for answers. He'd been to Egypt and had done the Course in Miracles with Marianne Williamson back in the day. But John was talking strange when he told me that he was getting an impression—he always got his impressions from a 45 degree angle, coming at him as a message for which he was only a channel— that I needed to find my guru. So I reluctantly began my quest.

You can read about how that evolved in The 12-Step Buddhist. What follows here is the account of my most recent retreat with Tibetan Master Chogyal Namkhai Norbu Rinpoche at the seat of his first North American Center in Conway, Massachusetts.

Retreat Day One

Thursday, May 29, 2008 at 10:59pm

Hey Everybody,

Normally I like to take pictures on the fly with my Palm Centro and send them up to Facebook for instant updates. But I can't send pics by phone from here because there is no data service. So I'll have to upload them all when I get back. In the meantime, there is a nice Mac here that I can get on and provide some text notes.

Today was pretty cool. Had a drive in with my friend. I've known her since early sobriety—1984. She is one of the few who is still around to compare notes with. We had a very long talk regarding some pretty serious problems she's having. Her husband used to be sober and now is not. It's been very difficult for both of them. My visit to their house in Boston was not relaxing. Whenever my addict friends fall out of recovery, it's quite difficult to relate to them on the same spiritual 12-Step terms that we based our original relationship on. So it was tough for me to see this happening and I was eager to get to my retreat.

I got here a day early and met a few people who came before the imminent intensity of the retreat. It may be more than co-incidental that the first friend I made here was Lisa from Chicago, also a student of Khachab Rinpoche, whom I know. I figured this out when I saw her sitting on the porch reading Jamgon Kongtrul.

I am assigned the Karma Yoga service position, of being an assistant videographer for Jennifer Fox, who is making a documentary about Namkhai Norbu, for the whole retreat. That's really nice. I'll be sitting right up front and will be able to use some of my media skills. Tomorrow Rinpoche will begin the introductory teachings and we will do a gana puja. I can't wait. The energy here is very strong already.

Now I'll try to get a little rest. I couldn't sleep until 0600 last night/this morning, so I'm a little wacky. Too much going on in my head. Many people who I've met say, "Oh, I know who you are." Evidently my reputation precedes me. Not sure if it's positive or negative, but I will work to establish good relations within the sangha. Now for that sleep!

Day Two

Friday, May 30, 2008 at 11:34pm

Well today has been very intense. It started rough because I got no sleep again. The guy next to me in the dorms snored real loud, all night long. I missed the morning yoga practice because my first priority was to get some coffee down the hill at the General Store. I wandered about and had a conversation with a counselor from St. Louis who has interest in the 12 Steps and wanted to know about my book. Later, I was having a conversation with a guy from Berkeley, when I discovered that he's a friend of a fellow practitioner back in Portland, who just so happened to be house sitting for me. Serendipitous!

I've met many interesting people with connections to different lamas. It is fascinating to me how varied the backgrounds are of the participants. We have healers, kundalini teachers, masseurs, psychologists, psychedelic explorers, musicians—all with extended spiritual training. One lady described how she fasted for four days at a Sundance in Mexico with Native Americans, for example.

I worked on a team that set up 300 Ganapuja offering plates with a variety of different foods. That was intense! About 20 people got it done pretty fast. I was wiped out after that. But, the night was filled with a cacophonous chorus of extra loud snoring, so I again slept just two hours.

A bit later, I set up the camera for the video shoot of Namkhai Norbu. It was about 95 in the room, and all the windows were closed. He likes to stay warm they tell me. I got my camera training from the lady who's doing the documentary. It was a little hard for me, as I'm used to being the director and producer. I had to switch up my attitude to be of service to her needs and in the interest of how she wanted to represent our teacher. There were no problems though, and the day's shooting went smoothly.

As Namkhai Norbu Rinpoche's teachings began, I got many good pictures of him. But at times I thought I was going to pass out from the heat and the intensity. We had a 15 minute teaching before the webcast, which was run by NNR's son Yeshi, who is also a reincarnate lama. I worked next to him at the webcast station. Things went very well and we had a nice session.

There is a wine offering that is part of these types of pujas. I've made the mistake of taking a small sip from the palm of my hand as it was offered in past events. So I'm very, very careful to avoid any surprises. The way I deal with it as a 12-Step Buddhist is to stick the tip of my finger in the glass, shake it off, bless it and put just a tiny, tiny part of my finger under my tongue for a split second. This way, I'm not tasting wine but am respecting the offering. This is a very, very tricky deal for those of us in recovery and, in my opinion, an area where Buddhists could be a lot more sensitive. I've spoken to more than one practitioner who has relapsed this way. But it is also part of practicing beyond our limitations. It's not an easy thing to do, and, I admit, I have the limitation of my DNA and body chemistry. I am an addict. My offering is to participate in the way I describe above, or to simply pass my hand over the glass and say a blessing.

In between sessions, I went up and said a quick hello to Rinpoche. He said, "OKAY, " in his endearing way. I just smiled and bowed. Several people who I know and like then got in line to see him, so I made it my mission, as I normally do, to get some nice pictures of them with the Master. I took a great video of NNR leaving, with his grandson helping him out the door. It was very sweet.

I then went up to the Khandroling land and saw the farmhouse area where people are camping. That was really fun and I met more interesting people from San Diego and other areas. Very nice. Then we went down to a bar and had dinner, where the conversation again, for the second night, become very deep, very fast. It's quite rewarding being around so many dedicated, high level practitioners. This is truly inspiring.

Day Three

Saturday, May 31, 2008 at 11:19pm

Is it only Day Three? Yikes, what a day it has been. I was going to do yoga but opted for a shower instead before running down for some coffee at the General Store. There was no getting around it. After some refreshing muffins and eavesdropping on farm conversation about steers that got loose, I came back up to the gonpa (meditation room) to set up the camera. I was able to join the last few minutes of the yoga class before teachings began.

When our teacher arrived I got a lot of close-up shots. As he sat waiting for the time teachings were to begin, he seemed to be praying for the crowd—his lips moving silently as his compassionate eyes scanned back and forth slowly across the room. I was moved again on many levels, as the energy wafted through a room full and silent.

Rinpoche taught well. When he speaks, the meaning beneath the words is so clear. Many times during the teaching I thought I noticed him looking at me. Though it was just for an instant, the connection was palatable. The beginning of another rich day. If it had ended right there, it would have been enough.

I decided to go up after teachings to ask him to bless my mala: Tibetan prayer beads. I have had my malas blessed by different lamas, but it's my special mala and this is my root, or main, lama. It's common practice to make such a request and there's no need to tell the lama why you're asking, so I just handed Rinpoche my mala. He closed it in his hands in a prayer mudra (hand gesture), and began whispering mantras. This gentle sound roused a stirring deep in my chest, which filled my throat and eyes with water. It is so amazing to have this powerful being as my teacher. Unbelievable.

At the break, I ran down with a new friend from NYC and had a bit of lunch. I found out that he was in very early recovery and wanted to talk a bit about the 12 Steps. I happily obliged. We walked back in the muggy, hot rain. Maybe Portland isn't the only crazy weather town after all.

Following was another teaching, this one with an old-timey thirty-year NNR student. It was amazing and powerful. I'd participated with this teacher some twenty months ago, but had no real experience to go by. This time, I could really feel that experience in fact makes a difference.

That teaching lasted two hours and was immediately followed by an advanced yoga class. I stayed put, without a break, to learn more. I found out that it's a demanding, life-altering practice! I hope I sleep tonight because of it. Three days with no Grande in a Vente , or an add shot! OMG—how am I surviving?

In the evening I trekked down the hill in my crock knocks and rain hat, in search of pizza with another new friend from Maine. This is an older guy of about 65, with a shrewd sense of humor. He lives out in the remote woods somewhere with his wife and is really happy to be out amongst the living. I just met him, and he finishes sentences for me and I find that I have very little to explain. You can imagine, that leaves me in a bit of a conversational quandary. He and I bumped into the NYC guy, and had a nice meal at the Conway Inn—the only game in town.

Later, I did another intense practice session with about thirty people from the non-commuter group. It's always different with the people who are staying together than when the big crowd is in attendance. There was some chanting during the practice, and no one had a bell to keep time. So I tried feebly to ring mine in tune and in time. It was obviously off, but hey, we do our best. (Of course, a few days later when I decided against bringing my bell, everyone pulled theirs out and began ringing!)

Tomorrow morning will begin early with yoga, followed by a teaching from a Jigme Lingpa text. Jigme Lingpa is a really famous teacher in the Nyngma lineage. He's responsible for a famous teaching called the Heart Essence or Longchen Nyngthig.

It will be AWESOME. I plan to do the dance movement class in the afternoon. After that, I have an appointment to see the Tibetan Doctor, who is Rinpoche's niece and head of the Tibetan Medicine program. I want to see if she can help me with some problems I've had for many years that Western medicine has no cure for. Fifteen minutes after that appointment, we will have the Medicine Buddha initiation. How auspicious is that?

I appreciate the people on Facebook who are sending comments. I had a lot of anxiety about coming here and it helps to feel so connected with those both near and far.

Day Four

Sunday, June 1, 2008 at 10:46pm

This morning I had my usual delicious muffin and coffee down at the General Store. Then I came up and prepared the camera area for the day's teachings. I wasn't required to do much shooting this morning, so I took it easy and sunk into the experience. That was nice. But I still felt like I had to take care of the camera, even though I didn't. Funny how the mind works.

I'd made a friend on Facebook who is in recovery and is a test reader for my book. But I didn't know she was there. Suddenly she came up and hugged and kissed me. That was real nice! It turns out there were a few more 12-Step Buddhists in attendance as well. I slowly went from one to the other and suggested that we have a meeting together ASAP. They all agreed.

After lunch I went to see the Dr. Wangmo. She looked at me and said, "So, how can I help you?" I told her about my problem with Post Hallucinogenic Perceptual Disorder, poor sleep, agitation and so on. She felt my pulses and asked me questions. At the end, she said, "You have wind disease of the third channel." She prescribed some Tibetan herbs and said, "Take these, and do practice. Then you'll feel better." She didn't say specifically what practice to do, but I had an idea based on something I'd heard in the teachings earlier. She said that although I should be able to tell in a few weeks if the herbs are working, it generally takes three to four months to see improvement. But, "In your case," she said, "it may take longer." My sponsor laughed when I later recounted this story.

About an hour later, we took a special Medicine Buddha initiation with Namkhai Norbu Rinpoche, to consecrate the Tibetan Medicine program and I'm sure for other very good reasons. I went on a picture-taking frenzy, which evidently spawned everyone else who had a camera to start snapping. At one point, we were all lined up in a row at the front, like the Dharma Paparazzi, competing for "the shot." I'm sure I got a lot of good ones and hopefully people will like them. The session was intense and amazing, as we all knew it would be.

Then I went down to the Conway Inn and had pizza with more new friends. Tomorrow is my 46th birthday. The retreat is moving up from this location for the day to the sacred land of Khandroling, the home of the Universal Mandala. Rinpoche will give teachings, and I assume we'll be hanging out up there for most of the day, swimming in the pond and BBQing. So I told my 12-Step friends, this is the place we should have our meeting! It is said that whatever practice is done on this sacred mandala is exponentially increased in power. It's similar to what the Tibetans say about doing prostrations in the place where the Buddha gained realization. This is why pilgrims prostrate for 3000 miles to that site. Each prostration is said to purify eons of negative karma. So, I think it this would be a good thing to be able to report to the 12-Step folks back home. How many of us have had a meeting in such a place? Will it give us permanent sobriety? No, but I guess it would be like having a meeting at the table where Bill W. and Dr. Bob first met in Akron, Ohio.

Any way you look at it, I'll be hanging out with the Master, in a sacred place, on my birthday, taking teachings and practicing recovery. So that's a pretty cool birthday present, don't you think?

Day Five - my birthday!

Monday, June 2, 2008 at 10:21pm

I hit the ground running today trying to get everything—sun block, hat, water, etc.—in my backpack for the trip up to the land. I was lucky to pick up a ride with a guy from Boston, along with my friend from Maine and another gal from San Diego. The day was filled with fantastic conversation. I got into some deep stuff with one woman as we talked for an hour before they loaded up the caravan to the hills. Turns out she is in recovery as well and has a twisted sense of humor that I can really appreciate. Does anybody know what a Rusty Trombone is? I'll refer you to the Urban Dictionary for that one.

When we got to what I thought was the end of the road, I found out we had to hike about 30 minutes uphill. The stones, sticks and steep climb were a bit challenging in my Crock knocks. After what seemed like way too long, we made it up to the top with just five minutes to spare before teachings began. While hiking, we hadn't been aware of the time. I'm used to being in my spot at least a half hour early. I jammed myself in between two practitioners, sitting on a stone.

Of course the moment I sat I realized I had to pee. But I refuse to ever get up while teachings are in process, unless it's totally unavoidable. We began with a fantastic practice under the strangely windy, cloudy and sunny skies. We made offerings and had pristine teachings of the highest nature. It was amazing and difficult, as I couldn't get comfortable: after I'd shift to avoid pressure on my bladder, my leg would fall asleep or I'd become aware of a stone protruding into my ankle bone. I'd put on my Gortex rain jacket because it was cold and then the sun would blaze down on my head, making me feel like I was about to pass out. There weren't enough copies of the practice to go around so I shared with a couple from somewhere in Europe. We kept losing our place and one of us would find it again. It was pretty awesome.

The second NNR said, "Ok we are finished with teachings for today," I bolted down the hill to the potty, thank you God! Good thing too, because when I came out there were about a hundred people in line. My friend and I took some pictures while circumambulating the stupa: a monument or reliquary representing the enlightened mind. We were later informed that this stupa took five years to build, and is filled with many sacred items.

Back on the hill, everyone was having a picnic, a couple of guys were playing jazz, some were playing acoustic guitars and people had already formed social clusters. I found myself sitting alone in the midst of this, feeling sad because it was my birthday, and I had no one to talk to. Some friends from Oregon walked right by me and sat with some other people. I felt like I was going to cry and that I should just go off in the woods by myself somewhere. Just then a woman friend from France, whom I'd spent time with earlier in the week, came over and sat with me, ending my blues and my isolation. She said she didn't want to be in the crowd, and offered me some food and conversation.

I found myself thinking that I'd really like to talk to this one young woman who'd set me up with the doctor's appointment. At that moment, she came up to me and asked me how it went. I could hear my friend Lloyd's voice in my head saying, "The Wish Fulfilling Jewel!" He said that to me several times as things we'd been discussing spontaneously manifested during the retreat. It was a very surreal and interesting conversation with this beautiful secret messenger that confirmed that I am indeed on the correct path—with the teacher, the teachings and the medicine. I'm excited about pursuing this line of treatment.

After that I took a tour of the land with an older practitioner who helped build it. We got all the history, the plan for new stuff like more retreat cabins and so on. It was excellent. On the way down the hill he offered to give us a ride back to the retreat area. Since it was a long way back from where we were, the four of us gladly accepted. We thought everyone had left, but when we reached the pond, we found that Rinpoche was swimming with about 30 people! They were splashing around and singing a Shariputra song. I got a bit on video and will put up later. It was lovely. I opted not to run and jump in, since I didn't want to lose my ride, but it was a very nice thing to see.

I got back to the dorms and took a shower, then grabbed my friend Danielle and went down for a burger at the General Store. I know, we go there a lot, but it's the only option. After that, we went to the Conway Inn, where they have Wi-Fi, and talked for several hours until another practitioner came in and joined us for another extended excellent conversation. We got some tips on how to invite teachers to our local community and other ideas to help with building sangha.

So for this birthday, I only had to feel sorry for myself for about 10 minutes. Then it all came together. I missed my Tysa and Zippy and Mackie real bad, but that's an ongoing pain that will only subside on Saturday when I see them again. Until tomorrow, thanks for reading and thanks to all the Facebook fans for the happy birthday wishes. It made me feel very nice.

Day Six

Tuesday, June 3, 2008 at 10:09pm

Wow, I couldn't imagine a better day. I woke up refreshed, didn't even let the snoring or 4am cell phone conversation that my roommate had keep me awake. I went down and had me some coffee and a muffin at the General Store. Then I set up the camera and we had teachings. It was a most beautiful and pristine teaching. Rinpoche's knowledge is unceasing. I find myself thoroughly engrossed in every second of listening to his mastery of topics.

At one point, Rinpoche was discussing how he was asked to teach and why he teaches what he does and what it means to him. I just had tears rolling down my face. I felt like he was sharing with us in a very deep way of his own personal experience. I really appreciate that because it reminds me of my experience in 12-Step programs when people share their own experience, strength and hope. You don't always expect this in non-recovery settings.

After teachings I went up to talk with Rinpoche and he was gracious enough to pose with me for a picture that my friend Clyde took for me. After posing, he turned to me and said, "Perfect, no?" I said, "Yes. Perfect!" Then I gave him the mala I'd made for him of green malachite that I got at a special bead show in January, in anticipation of coming here. It had a green, knotted silk tassle that was blessed by His Holiness Dalai Lama. I gave it to Rinpoche and he smiled and put his hand out to me with a kind of, "Well done Lad," look on his smiling face. I was walking on clouds for the rest of the day.

Then I went to the next town with a girl I met from, uh where is she from, oh yeah, New Orleans. I've met all sorts of spiritual healers and practitioners from so many varied backgrounds. It is really, really amazing the people who are attracted to Namkhai Norbu. Totally F'n mind blowing.

We enjoyed our lunch on this bridge covered in flowers over a river and talked and it was very nice. She just wandered in to the retreat the other day and people, including myself, had encouraged her to stay. She did and is very happy about it (I later found out that she decided to stay on as the Farmhouse attendant for the whole summer).

We went back to the gar just in time for another teaching and practice session with a senior student/teacher. This was also first-rate. That evening, Rinpoche's six-year-old grandson had a birthday party. I know, this day and week hadn't been packed enough! So we celebrated that and then I walked down here to type up my notes at the bar with Wi-Fi. The bartender automatically starts making me a cherry coke when I walk him. Just like old times!

This is truly an amazing experience. I took about 2000 pictures already and some video. Stay tuned as there are a few days left to report on. All I can say is OM AH HUM friends and neighbors. OM AH HUM.

Day Seven

Wednesday, June 4, 2008 at 11:59pm

Well I didn't sleep much last night. Got up tired and crabby but went to get coffee with Danielle, who is funny as hell. We had detailed teachings, Bardo: transitional states such as between birth and death. But I had to watch the camera for the close shot, following Rinpoche as he moved. It was distracting. I kind of had to mention it to the camera lady who, as it turns out, is a professional film maker and teacher. Woops. Well I needed to get clearer communications going and I think it's better now.

After lunch with my friend Lloyd, I found six addicts to have a 12-Step Sangha type meeting with. We did a little practice and shared just like we do at our Portland 12-Step Sangha group. It was excellent for everyone and they said they'd love to do it again. Most had never considered having a meeting like this while on retreat, so I felt good about making it happen. I'd asked one of the coordinators to announce the meeting, but he said that this should happen "organically." Well, I beg to differ. This is one point that Buddhists need to understand, namely, that it is important for recovering people to be able to find each other and have support. This is particularly true in emotionally intense environments, where plenty of alcohol is drunk.

Later, we had another talk on collaboration within the community with Yeshi Namkhai, NNR's son. He also gave a teaching really, which was quite good. I'd wondered if I'd connect with him, since he's Italian by upbringing and it seems that sometimes European men and I don't connect very easily. But I enjoyed his talks very much after all, particularly the stories of growing up with this powerful teacher as his father, how the community evolved and so on.

That evening, a few of us drove to Greenfield, wherever that is, for Mexican food. It was a lot of fun, as we blew off stress by cracking up with strange jokes the whole time. I've stayed up too late so I am going to bed now. Two more days and I will be home to my babe, my babies, and my hot tub. Oh, and all my 12-Step peeps. Can't wait to see everyone!

The Last 3 Days – a Summary

Well I didn't get to write the notes for the last three days because I was utterly blown away and exhausted. So while you won't get the details, I think you'll notice the essence of the experience.

The big thing about Thursday was the auction. After teachings we had a gana puja (offering ritual), followed by a fund-raiser auction. There were many things for up to bid on: statues, thangkas, calligraphy from Rinpoche. The bidding started at $1000 for most items, so it was all way out of my league. Michael Katz, author of the excellent book Dream Yoga and the Practice of Natural Light and leader of retreats on that topic, was the auctioneer.

There was a lot of wine flowing, I guess in the spirit of loosening up. I wasn't comfortable in this setting. It continued to be very hot and every two seconds somebody had a bottle of wine in my face. The smell of it stuck in my craw for hours. After a bit I decided that I was pretty wiped out and the room continued to be stifling, so I went out for some cool, fresh, alcohol-free air. Shortly after, my little redheaded friend from New Orleans came out and said, "Hey, they sold the mala you made for $3700!" I was stunned! But I went in to try and confirm that this was true. Some people said it was the same mala that I'd made, others said it was different. The helper said it was Rinpoche's Green Tara mala that he made himself, so I was confused. I mean, what are the chances that he had another green malachite mala?

Well after a day or two I had to ask Namkhai Norbu myself. He said it was the same mala, but he restrung it and put a different tassel on it. So it was both the one I gave him and one that he made himself after all. Kind of like the two truths, "Not one. Not two. Two and one." So it was pretty cool that it turned out to be my offering after all.

On Friday Rinpoche finished up the topics at hand and we sang the melodies at the end of the session. While I was singing, I couldn't help but feel thoroughly overwhelmed with fatigue, stress, gratitude, the sheer power of the teachings and all of my interactions with the sangha. Tears came and the words did not. I looked up and Rinpoche was looking at me, right into my eyes. I felt it very deeply, took a nice deep breath and continued. That was a very special conclusion to the retreat. If it ended right there, it would have been enough. But it wasn't over!

There was a position open for the main Western center, in Baja, that is in need of some help. So I went to the community meeting. They asked to tell a little about myself. I told them about myself, as did another friend who was also offering service. Afterwards, I was asked if I wanted to attend a meeting with Rinpoche, up at the house where he was staying. I felt like that would be pretty special, so off we went. It was an amazing house with a fantastic view of the rolling, mist shrouded hillside. We arrived and walked past a large but unassuming man, who seemed to be standing guard outside the door. Upon entering, we were greeted by Rinpoche's wife. Inside were some Tibetan attendants, cooking and cleaning.

In the finely decorated living room we sat and waited for Rinpoche to come downstairs. During the discussion of what questions were going to be asked, Jennifer filmed us. Rinpoche arrived and his son, Yeshi, sat next to him on the couch and the grandchildren were ran around the house. Rinpoche sat, waiting for the committee to address him. After the first question, he gazed into the air and around the room and began to teach. It was amazing to be sitting 2 feet from the Master, looking straight into his eyes. I saw the Guru, compassionate, deeply sensitive and brilliant. I felt, this is not a normal person, but an extraordinarily accomplished Master. And I'm sitting here, interacting. It was perfectly surreal.

I listened carefully and got a good sense about the community and how we should apply the spirit of the teachings to everything. This is a version of, "practicing these principles in all of our affairs," as we say in the 12-Steps. After about an hour I figured I'd better chime in to show that I had something to offer. So I did a little reflection and clarification on what had been said. Both seemed to agree with my summary and listened to a couple of ideas I had. It was nice to participate in the planning of the next phase of this community project. I really felt like I found a niche. At the end, Rinpoche thanked us and shook our hands, making intentional eye contact with each person. I floated out of the room and down the hill.

The next day Yeshi gave an extremely helpful teaching on Dream Yoga. In this Tibetan Buddhism, we practice mindfulness of the preciousness of human existence as an opportunity for spiritual growth. Coupling this with an understanding that this human life, too, shall pass, we try not to waste time. So we try to practice even in our dreams. This was something that Venerable Robina introduced me to a few years ago on retreat. She said to go to sleep with the intention, "May I know that my dreams are dreams," and to wake up surprised and appreciative that we're still here. Beyond that, there are many teachings on how to practice in the night, which we can learn. But to simply be aware like this is quite profound.

I had to run right out after that final teaching. I had a plane to catch. Of course, I had some troubles with the driver and the airline delayed my luggage, we sat on the runway in NYC for 90 minutes and they refused to give me dinner even though it was printed on my ticket. But none of it mattered. I just wanted to absorb this retreat experience as deeply into my waking dream as possible at my level of development. Subsisting on peanuts and ice water, I sat on the plane all the way home, looking deeply at my mind and processing the experiences of the past 10 days. It was really unbelievable.

I leave you with a little bit of spontaneous humor that came to me towards the end of the retreat.

A monk walks into a bar with a puzzled look on his face. The bartender says, "What's on your mind?" The monk says, well I'm not sure if it's my mind or the nature of my mind..." The bartender replies, "What's the difference?"

NAMO GURU BHYE - Homage to the Buddha, the Dharma, the Sangha and the Real Guru.

-d

Tags: 12 Steps, Buddhism, the 12-Step Buddhist, Recovery, Addiction, Retreats

Jeffrey Hopkins - On Compassion

http://blacksamba.gaia.com — Sat, 14 Jul 2007 00:59:53 GMT

Photos Courtesy Colleen O'Neill

If you're interested in the topic of Compassion as it's discussed here, please take a look at a recent book by the Dalai Lama and Jeffrey Hopkins:

How to Expand Love: Widening the Circle of Loving Relationships

    Jeffrey Hopkins came to Maitripa Institute on July 6-8, 2007. The topic, Compassion, was a surprise to me. I figured he would talk about Emptiness and that it would be some kind of heavy duty intellectual session that would be next to impossible to follow. But it wasn't like that at all. He was really fun and easy to listen to.
    As our resident Tibetologist, Dr. Jim Blumenthal put it, "Professor Hopkins is the world's leading Tibetan scholar". And as the Dalai Lama's translator for 10 years, he had a lot of little anecdotes about His Holiness that were just fascinating. Jeffrey, as he insisted we call him, has been in the Dharma for 45 years, taught for over 30 years and has published many seminal works of his own, and in conjunction with great lamas. He is a personal student of His Holiness Dalai Lama, and has taken direct teachings with at least 20 Tibetan lamas over the years, many of whom he taught English. So it was an honor and a real treat to meet this amazing individual.
    I just love the Western teachers when they can break down the synthesized teachings.
The handout was, to my limited understanding, a compilation from Chandrakirti, Nagarjuna and Kamalashila. The commentary on the commentary, as he put it, with the title 'The Difference Between Compassion, Great Compassion and Special Great Compassion'. If you look at the handout, it makes almost no sense. But when you listen to Dr. Hopkins, it makes perfect sense. To me, that's the quality of a genius. Or at least a really, really smart guy.
    The teaching began with the notion that all beings, even a dove, have a seed of compassion, as in the example of a dove's sympathy for it's offspring. In trying to make the distinction between sympathy and empathy, we learned that it's really about both, and is very difficult to discern one from the other in the translations. That's regular compassion, the seed of sympathy or mercy that all beings have at least a tiny bit of.
    Then Great Compassion is "thoroughly knowing the ways in which all sentient beings are pained by suffering and generating sympathy for all sentient beings that is like a mother's sense of sympathy for her sole child who has slipped into a pit of filth or been carried away by a river."
    Knowing the 3 types of suffering that beings experience, a Bodhisattva is said to have Great Compassion. On the point of the 3 types, Jeffrey defined the Suffering of Suffering as physical and mental "ouch" pain. The Suffering of Change happens with "eww" pain. We experience pleasure, which makes us go 'eww', based on some object that we determine has an inherent nature of being pleasurable. Ven. Robina always gives the example of chocolate cake. We think that chocolate cake is going to make us happy because chocolate cake is 'good'. But if we keep eating chocolate cake, seeking happiness, eventually we'll start to vomit. So it isn't the cake itself that contains happiness, it's our conditioning, our perception and our mind that decides that it is so. And when the object of perceived happiness stops making us happy, it becomes an object of suffering.
    The question we can ask ourselves can be about anything that we're ready to die for, fight for, kill for, manipulate for or do what we've got to do to get or keep. We can inquire to the inherentness of this seeming source of endless happiness like this, "Will this thing, person, or substance bring me the same pleasure as I think it's now going to bring me under any and all possible conditions?". The answer will always be no. But try it. It takes the steam out of obsessions, and the edge off of attachments. This is a kind of cool thing about meditation by analysis. Don't try this with your Zen friends. They might become un-Zenly. I just made that up, feel free to use it.
    Ordinary sentient beings are caught in this endless cycle of suffering based on ignorance, creating afflictive emotions and endless rebirth, yet a Bodhisattva at even the 10th 'ground' or 'bhumi' (stage) will still be caught by the Two Obstructions to Omniscience, albeit at levels much more subtle than ordinary beings. One of the qualities of Omniscience is the skill of Super Clairvoyance, which is necessary to be of maximum service to suffering beings. Even after making it through the 9 levels (described in detail in the Dasabhumika Sutra) of a Bodhisattva, they can still be held back by the same obscurations that stand in your way, and in my way, right now. According to Lamayeshe.com, "This is the gradual path to enlightenment traversed by bodhisattvas practicing the six perfections (charity, morality, patience, enthusiastic perseverance, concentration, and wisdom) through the ten bodhisattva levels (bhumi) over countless eons of rebirth in samsara for the benefit of all sentient beings. Also called Sutrayana or Bodhisattvayana."
    I think it's interesting that a 10th ground Bodhisattva who has made it through countless eons of rebirth in Samsara still has the same fundamental problem that face all beings with consciousness, namely, ignorance of the truth which keeps us buried in karma. To put it in context, Chandrakirti makes some distinctions on the qualities of those with what some schools call Special Great Compassion. Some scholars make the distinction, others don't. It's a scholarly question which I'll leave to the scholars. For our purposes, I think these qualities are worth noting:
    A Solitary Realizer (like a cave-dwelling yogi) or a Hearer, on the Hinayana path who are concerned with enlightenment, not for the sake of all beings but for their own sake, would, knowing emptiness and compassion, and seeing the suffering of others, feel pain like fire striking the skin. But a Bodhisattva, whose main concern is at three levels, 1) Considering, 'If beings could become free of suffering', 2) Having the wish, 'May all beings be free of suffering' and finally 3) Taking the responsibility, 'I will, by myself alone, save all beings from suffering.', feels the suffering of others like 'fire burning the skin and striking the flesh' below. It's deep, and this sense of suffering with others is automatic, in that it 'arises spontaneously' and doesn't require any meditation, be it analytical or otherwise.
    For you and I, we can feel the suffering of those we care about, but how about those we could care less about? How about those with whom we are neutral, or those with whom we are resentful? The good news is that there is a solution, namely the Mind Trainings, e.g., seeing others as equal, in that we all want to not suffer and we all want to be happy, seeing that beings have been our friends or mothers countless times in beginningless past lives, wanting to repay their kindness, contemplating the advantages of cherishing others, and so on. These can be found as the Seven Mind Trainings but have also been combined to Eleven Mind Trainings. Jeffrey got confused when trying to explain that, because he doesn't combine them. He said that since he doesn't practice it, he shouldn't really try to teach it. I liked that about him.
    This stuff all makes great sense, but how do we actually practice with it? How to apply in daily life is always the challenge. Well, the cool thing about Jeffrey Hopkins is that he really walks the walk, and talks of the walk (not just the thinking) of a practitioner. He breaks all these way too hard to understand, super philosophical, heavily translated and often widely disputed fine points into bite size, applicable pieces that us mere intellectual mortals can work with. He talks about these levels of Bodhisattva-ness, replete with quotes from multiple lamas, stories of the Dalai Lama and personal life experience. He said that when you consider how Great Compassion or Special Great Compassion operates in the mind and heart of Bodhisattvas, that his understanding was at the level of a bug. A bug! This is the guy who writes the definitive English translations of the Madhyamika school, which is the peak of Buddhist philosophy.
    I asked Jeffrey what he'd say to someone who saw him do something selfish or angry or otherwise normally human, and, knowing he was a lifetime practitioner, said something like, "Hey, aren't you supposed to be a Buddhist?". He said, without hesitation, that his reply would be, "That goes to show you what a pathetic practitioner I am". I was dumbfounded by the man's humility! And you know what, the next time someone wants to know why I'm still angry or selfish or otherwise impure and not like the driven snow, I'm going to try to remember what Jeffrey said. I'd like to be able to look at them and say something like, "You're right. I could do better, and I'm working on it".
    So thanks Jeffrey. Thanks for learning all those languages, writing all those books, and doing all of those practices with all those lamas for all those years. And thanks for coming to Portland not, as you said, as a lama, a sensei, a Roshi or a rishi, but as someone with whom we could consider these topics. Consider them we did. And it was a truly inspiring experience.

-d

P.S. Jeffrey added something to the dedication that we do at the end of teachings, study and practices that I found helpful. We first dedicate the merits to someone close to us, to make it real, before dedicating to all sentient beings.

may you, the reader, be free of suffering, and it's causes
may all beings be free of suffering, and it's causes

Tags: buddhism, buddha, tibetan buddhism, dharma, dalai lama, jeffrey hopkins, compassion

Big Mind. Buddha Mind. One Mind.

http://blacksamba.gaia.com — Thu, 31 May 2007 22:53:25 GMT

May 31st, 2007
Today is the anniversary of Buddha's Enlightenment, and a full moon. Big Mind. Buddha Mind. One Mind.

Since me and you really are interdependent, dependently arising and empty of inherently existing essence, there really is no me and there really is no you. So, how about that parking space, can I have it?

On Saturday, May 26th, I took a Big Mind seminar with Genpo Roshi (Dennis Merzel) here in Portland, Oregon. Genpo's new book, Big Mind-Big Heart just came out. According to Genpo, people have reported having Big Mind experiences just from reading the book.

If you click here: http://blacksamba.com/talks/bigmind/, you can download a couple of older videos from when the process was first introduced. He's refined it a bit since those were done, and you can buy a DVD set that will walk you through the whole process as it is now. The psych piece of this all started with Hal Stone and his wife when they created something called Voice Dialogs. You can read their book, Embracing Ourselves to get a better idea of the psychological, Jungian aspect of the process.

I first did Voice Dialogs with my wife in about 1988 or '89, when she was in Psych Tech school down in Huntington Beach. We sat around the coffee table with our AA friends, talking to our individual voices in each other. It was pretty creepy, pretty powerful, and pretty real. I think it was considered kind of a dangerous therapy back then, and was somewhat controversial. Maybe people split off or disassociated and weren't able to integrate. I was a little intrigued, and somewhat skeptical about Genpo Roshi's approach. So of course I had to try it!

Genpo is a credible teacher in my eyes, partly because he was a student of Maezumi Roshi, as was my main teacher from the early 90's, Joko Beck. I've practiced with one of her successors, Larry Christensen here at the Zen Center of Portland for several years. Genpo has been a Zen teacher for over 30 years, and reached a point of burnout around 1999. He developed this Big Mind process as a way of helping people from both a psychological and a Zen view. Although he asserts that the Big Mind process is neither, I think it's more of a disclaimer. He said he doesn't want to be judged by purists from either camp.

Larry was a friend of Genpo's from the 70's at the Zen Center of LA, so he attended the seminar. One of my other teachers, Yangsi Rinpoche, whom I've written about on this blog, also attended. That was interesting because I go to a lot of teachings, and unless it's the Dalai Lama, I don't often see my other teachers in the audience.

My Assessment: The Big Mind process is pretty amazing, and it really did bring me to a heightened state of Big Mind Awareness. I wouldn't do it justice trying to explain it all here, but if you watch the videos and/or read the book, you'll know if you want to explore it further. And I think you will. Genpo does offer retreats on the process, and at the end of his seminars, he actually gives you permission to go use it in your work and private lives! That is a really interesting point. He encourages the use of the process with clients, students, partners. In Tantric initiations, you get permission to practice, but it takes quite a bit more for an empowerment to teach.

As an overview, here's how it goes. At Genpo's prompting, we are asked to get 'in voice' with our Inner Critic, Controller, Skeptic, Fear, Anger, etc. Members of the audience dialog with the teacher by shouting out statements in answer to his queries. It's kind of different than a typical dharma talk in that it's totally interactive. We have the analogy that there's a corporation with 10,000 employees (like the 10,000 states of mind spoken of in Buddhist Sutras). None of the employees knows his job title, job description, nor who her boss is. This is chaos. Insanity. And this is how we live. So we do something very sane. We take out each of these voices, and give them their due, in an interview. A Question and Answer about who they are, what they do, what they don't do, and so on. That's the Dualistic side of the triangle.

Then, after a break, we move to the Non-Dual side, starting with the Seeker of the Awakened Way. We talk to the seeker for a bit, then we talk to the Mind That Does Not Seek, or something like that. We move further into this, calling it by different names, like Buddha Mind. Then we move to the top, or Apex of the triangle. As he calls for the Integrated State, the Unborn, the Maha Vairochana Buddha, people in the room start speaking from this state, as if they ARE that from which all Buddhas are Born. DANG! I was really wondering, and I didn't get a chance to ask, but were these people all kind of veterans of this process, or were they having a spiritual experience or what? In the beginning, he'd asked how many Buddhists, Zen students, etc. and I didn't think there were that many. But from the way people were calling out their answers, it was as if I was in a room full of Buddhas. Well, depending on who you talk to, we're always in a room full of Buddhas, but I'll leave that to another discussion.

Whether or not the participants were parroting the latest new age spiritual terminology, or were actually in Big Mind, is kind of irrelevant if you ask me. And I am the one you're talking to. Or listening to, reading, as it were. The point being that Genpo brought us through the process of identifying, objectifying, disseminating, owning and then re-integrating all of these archetypes. He did it kind of tricky. Since he is a real Zen master, and has his own Awakened Mind that, incidentally, just kind of came about in the past 8-9 years, he was able to bring it out like only a real good Zen teacher can do. But he did it with a fresh-new-interactive-no- bullshit style.

I felt like I was in a very boundary-less, awakened, joyful, open, spacious and compassionately grateful state of Being at the end of the seminar. That is, until some lady told me to get out of her way. Then my Controller/Skeptic/Big Ego took over my Big Mind! But still, this was a very interesting form of Direct Introduction that is, I think, just about as revolutionary as Shakyamuni Buddha was 2500 years ago.

Happy Parinirvana, all of you Buddhas of the past, present and future...

love

-d

Tags: buddhism, buddha, zen, zen buddhism, big mind

Lama Surya Das - How to Be a Bodhisattva

http://blacksamba.gaia.com — Sun, 13 May 2007 20:06:23 GMT

Lama Surya Das has a new book, "Buddha is as Buddha Does", which coincided with his annual stop here in Portland, Oregon, USA for teachings. Around 100 of us had a one day retreat in a church downtown. It was lovely. The link to the pictures is at the bottom of the page.

The topic was on the 10, (notice not 6) Paramitas or Virtues of being a Bodhisattva. Basically, a bodhisattva is commited to not leaving the realm of samsara, suffering, infinite cyclic existence, delusion until all 6 realms - Hell Realm, Hungry Ghost Realm, Animal Realm, Human Realm, Jealous God Realm, God Realm are completely empty of suffering sentient beings. In zen we say, "Sentient Beings are Numberless. I Vow to Save Them All". That's the commitment. The Paramitas are the method. That's the gist of it.

Sound overwhelming? In his cogent, calm and exacting style, Lama Surya Das demystifies, clarifies and solidifies the meaning of these seemingly esoteric teachings. Tysa saw him at the Powell's City of Books book-signing the night before, and I would have to agree with her evaluation. We were both pleasantly surprised. Why a surprise? Well, I have to admit, when somebody's doing a book tour, I wonder if they're Turning of the Wheel of Dharma or the Wheel of the Dharma Industrial Complex. Let's not pretend: Enlightenment is BIG business. So, like the Tibetan Lamas always say, "check up".

I've been practicing a couple of times per month with the local Lama Surya Das meditation group, who is solely responsible for putting on this event. If you're read any of my diatribes on Dharma Neurosis, you'll recall that I periodically have doubts about the so called sanghas here and about. Well I'll say this: if the students are a reflection of the teacher, then this teacher must be pretty good. Because these people whom I practice with are very delightful, kind and easygoing.

Yes, it's weird to call a white man, "Lama" and he did look at me funny when I asked him to sign my prayer book instead of a copy of his new release, but all in all, I had a very nice day of teachings, and not a single moment of agitation. Sure, it's because I'm growing, but really, these are nice people and the teacher is very good. What he does is he explains things with what he calls 'definition clusters'. Now I'm a big fan of adjectives, I like to use 3 at a time, more if possible. So this appeals to me. He uses Sanskrit, Tibetan and colloquial terminology to hit the 'undefinable ultimate meaning' from many angles. This is a good skill, and he does it mostly without notes.

The practices that he had us do were also very nicely structured. We started with a mantra of Guru Rinpoche, repeating it over and over while he led with singing different melodies and rhythms. Ok, a New York sounding Jew doesn't have the prettiest singing voice, but under it was a very steady pulse. After he got us established on a regular beat and melody, he added his own changes to it that kept us kind of on the edge of the beat and pushing deeper into the vibration of the mantra. This was followed by about 25 minutes of silent meditation, and another short period of recitation. We began each session this way, with the Chenrezig, "OM MANI PADME HUM" and then the Tara, "OM TARE TUTTARE TURE SVAHA" mantras. Dawn-Starr, the lady who makes the event and the study group happen, had her personal Thankgas (Tibetan deity paintings) behind the altar. You can see this in the photo gallery. So as we were reciting, you could look up at the Thankga of the deity whose mantra you were singing. Kind of like a well done TV set, the Thankas, altar cloths, even the teacher's shirt were finely color coordinated, making for a consistent and flowing presentation.

He gave teachings, mostly from his new book after these meditations. The teachings, he explained from the Outer, Inner and Ultimate meaning levels. He didn't go too far into the Ultimate, but those who practice know how to meditate on these deeper meanings, which really defy verbal explanations anyways. So this was good, and I enjoyed every minute of it. He offered to answer questions, which is really in a way one of the difficulties I have with traditional Tibetan teachings, namely that they don't often have a Q&A session. Nobody had a question and he seemed disappointed, so I offered one of my own. Well hey, the mic was right there and I'm never short of something to say.

I asked him how the AA quote, "our very lives as ex problem drinkers depend on our constant thought of others" fits into the Bodhisattva path. He was actually very interested in this, and we had a bit of a discussion, wherein he asked me to repeat the quote so he could write it down and use it in the future. This is right up my alley, and as a matter of fact I'm teaching a class in June called Integrating Buddhism and the Twelve Steps. Click here to register. He asked me to explain how this concept helped me stay sober. Of course, anyone who's been in the program for a while can tell you, the root of our problem is self-centeredness. It's a spiritual malady, which centers in the mind, rather than the body. The solution is, as we say in the program, do 'get out of yourself'. So that was a lot of fun having the discussion and I felt like I connected nicely with Lama Surya.

More next time, as we continue this fascinating journey. Thank you so much for tuning in and please, feel free to make comments or ask questions. Don't forget I have the 12 Step, Power of Now and Dharma 'pods' here on Zaadz for discussion as well.

Photos from the Lama Surya Das retreat:
http://picasaweb.google.com/thubtenpalden/LamaSuryaDas

love.

-d

Tags: buddhism, buddha, tibetan buddhism, dharma, lama surya das

Vow of the Awakened Mind - HH Dalai Lama - SF - 04/07

http://blacksamba.gaia.com — Wed, 02 May 2007 23:23:26 GMT

Photos:
http://picasaweb.google.com/thubtenpalden/HH_SF_04_07

I get a certain feeling in certain places. I've tried to determine if it's a memory, an association, a flashback, a deja-vu or what. I'm pretty sure it's a spiritual experience, but I've tried to be objective. The places where I feel this feeling are often where lamas dwell, teach, have made blessings and so on. During the weekend of teachings by His Holiness Dalai Lama (April 27-29th, 2007) in San Francisco, I had this feeling almost constantly.

We drove down from Portland on Wednesday. It took 11 hours. We stayed with a friend of a nun I know who had a parrot that spoke Russian, Spanish, English and Tara mantras in a constant stream, like a digital mix with reverb. It was quite interesting, if not somewhat creepy. As we were leaving in the morning, our host told us a story of a scientist lady she knows who uses a special spectral photography to shoot aura energies. While in New York, they did a test where the nun did a control shoot without her mala, and one with the mala. Without the mala, her aura was thin, as she's been sickly for some time. With the mala on, however, there were a spectrum of light energies surrounding and penetrating her aura. The scientist lady speculates that these are enlightened beings who are attracted to holy objects. In Buddhism, we often work with visualizing, for example, that when we take refuge, that all infinite beings from beginningless time take refuge with us. Or when we do a prostration, that all beings prostrate with us. This is a particular point in Vajrayana Buddhist practices, where deities are visualized and believed to be present. I found this story interesting, as I've often noted when taking teachings that there are many beings present with the teacher as he speaks with the authority and blessing of the lineage masters.

We got to San Francisco and found the Tse Chen Ling Dharma Center. The basement houses traveling monks and Venerable Robina's Liberation Prison Project. As we walked in the door Marilyn and Barry from Canada were arriving. I know them from last year's Kopan West Lam Rim retreat with Robina, as well as our last visit to Vancouver, B.C. to see H.H. Robina greeted us warmly, and we went downstairs to get to work. Everyone upstairs was running around preparing the center for Lama Zopa Rinpoche's arrival from Santa Cruz. He and several very prominent Geshes (lamas with 'doctorates' in Buddhist scripture) were going to do a Guru Puja for His Holiness. That was an added bonus for us, as we had no idea LZR was going to be staying at the center during teachings.

I recently started writing letters for LPP at Ven. Robina's request. We talk to inmates who have a serious interest in the Dharma, acting as friends and spiritual teachers. It was nice to connect with the people who I've only known via email. Everyone was very nice. Tysa worked on a project for their bookstore and I did some database work. After a couple of hours, we realized that everyone was getting ready to go greet H.H. at his hotel. I hadn't counted on such an amazing opportunity, so we jumped at the chance to give rides over to the Fairmount Hotel.

We waited out front of the hotel for about 45 minutes while the secret policia and hotel knuckleheads tried to push the crowds back. It's pretty funny when they try to strong-arm monks on robes. The monks just ignored them and only moved back when physically pushed. H.H. arrived by limo, and the security paramilitary team sprang into position. The Dalai Lama was protected, and that's what matters. He went over to one side and touched the heads of some monks, presumably blessing them, before coming over to our side to do the same thing. You can see pictures of this scene at the link above. He came over where I was and spoke to the Geshe-la from Tse Chen Ling for a moment. I put my hand out, hoping he would high-five me, or slap a blessing on me. It's obvious that if he acknowledged every person that he'd never get anything done, so it's cool that that didn't happen. He looked at me though, and I consider that a powerful blessing.

Later that night, after doing more work at LPP, we went upstairs to find the place PACKED wall-to-wall with Buddhists from Portland, Santa Cruz, San Francisco and more. We all lined up outside to offer kata to LZR as he arrived. There are pictures of this as well. Now, the thing with Lama Zopa Rinpoche is that he's a very, very powerful being. When he shows up, people come out of the woodwork to see him. An otherwise empty center will be jammed to the brim. Tysa met LZR when he came to Portland, before she took refuge. I remember when he walked in to Maitripa. He stopped and looked at her, as if he were very happy to see her. I think this has a lot to do with the fact that Venerable Ingrid was staying with us at the time, and that she is in many respects an agent of LZR's Guru Mandala. If you think this sounds weird, don't worry, it's not. But it is heavy, and psychic, and profound. Not weird though. Tysa had gone ahead of me in line to offer kata and evidently LZR didn't say anything to the first 20 people or so, until he got to Tysa. She's since taken refuge in the Kagyu tradition and has become a practitioner. Well LZR stopped at Tysa, looked at her and asked, "How are you?" before moving on down the line. I find this very interesting. Then when he got to me, he gave me this funny look, like, "man, are you causing trouble again?".

Let me explain the effect that LZR has on me, and from what I've heard, many others. He teaches you what you need to be taught. He can see where you're at, and he breaks it down, right then and there, on the spot. With a look. Anyone who's spent any time at all around gurus knows how this works and that it works. So his teaching to me became evident by the time I got home from the trip.

We went to Oakland and stayed with my friend from Maureen from retreat last summer. I try to stay in touch with people over email if possible, to keep the relationships alive. We took BART over to the Bill Graham Civic Center each day, taking 2 hour teachings in the morning and afternoon. We hung out with many different friends and acquaintances during the lunch breaks. See photos. The monks and nuns from different traditions were all seated on the stage with His Holiness. Lama Zopa Rinpoche was up front, with his head down almost the whole time. The topic was Dependent Origination, via some verses by Nagarjuna and Tsongkapa. H.H. taught in Tibetan, with his amazing translator Geshe (?) breaking it down flawlessly in English for us. I think if you're really interested in this topic, grab a copy of Fundamental Wisdom of the Middle Way by Nagarjuna and have at it. This text is perhaps the cornerstone of the Mahdyamika philosophical school, of which the Gelugpa tradition is founded. It's all about Emptiness.

His Holiness offered the Bodhisattva refuge vow (Vow of the Awakened Mind) after the talks on emptiness. I took my Bodhisattva Vow with Lama Zopa Rinpoche in November, 2006, but I really felt like my selfishness and self-centeredness got the best of me since then. I had thought I needed to take it again in the presence of a Master as soon as possible, but I hadn't known when that would happen. So when I saw the first stanza on the big screen of the auditorium, I knew that this was the time, and that there was no higher Master with whom to reaffirm my vow. This made me very happy, and I didn't realize it until later that LZR knew this would happen, and that was the teaching he had for me. It's really quite beautiful how all of these things work together. So I said the prayer with whole heartedness, in the presence of the Buddha, and all Enlightened Beings, trillions upon gazillions of them who must have been there in that auditorium, at that time, with His Holiness Dalai Lama. If they were ever anywhere, they would be there then. I'm sure if I had that spectral camera, they'd show up in the image. So with this conviction, I retook my vow.

Following the refuge vow, a Gyuto monk from Gyuto Vajrayana Center , the San Jose monastery that sponsored the event, gave thanks. As he talked, his voice cracked and he was obviously overcome with gratitude and emotion. When he got to the end of his thank you, his heart exploded. The last few words broke though the lump in his throat, and he tearfully finished up. I had a lot of moments during this trip, but I'll say that this one I felt most deeply. Frankly, I think the monk expressed what all 4500 of us were feeling. This was evidenced by the silence of the auditorium as His Holiness Dalai Lama was leaving. You could feel his presence throughout the building. The air was thick with it. The room stood, hands together, in devotion and gratitude. The world famous Gyuto monks sang a Long Life Prayer for His Holiness for about an hour afterwards. Most people stayed for this. You can see them with yellow hats in the photos.

That night Tysa and I walked through a cemetery, thinking about the Chod practice that we're about to learn, taking pictures of black cats, feeding candy to a strange rodent, and winding down. The next morning at 0630 we headed home. We didn't realize it, but Hwy 80 had burned down as we passed it, heading out of Oakland back towards Portland. We drove most of the next 9 hours in silence.

-d

With the wish to free all beings
I shall always go for refuge
to Buddha, Dharma, and Sangha,
Until I reach full enlightenment.

Inspired by wisdom and compassion,
Today, in the Buddha's presence,
I generate the mind of full awakening
For the benefit of all sentient beings.

As long as space remains
As long as sentient beings remain
Until then may I too remain
And dispel the miseries of the world.

-His Holiness the Dalai Lama

Tags: buddhism, buddha, tibetan buddhism, dharma, dalai lama

The Lord's Prayer - Emmet Fox

http://blacksamba.gaia.com — Tue, 24 Apr 2007 19:11:46 GMT

http://blacksamba.com/texts/LordsPrayer_EmmetFox.pdf

To read Emmet Fox's treatise on The Lord's Prayer, click the link above. You can also right-click and Save to your hard drive to read later. Acrobat Reader is required.

The reason I'm putting this up is because I was recently thinking about this prayer and what it means to me. This is after I kind of got in trouble the other day at the end of an AA meeting for requesting that we do the Lord's Prayer instead of the Serenity Prayer. Someone was upset that I went against the group conscience and got confrontational with me about it. Then my friend the secretary said she hated the Lord's Prayer because it's patriarchical and guilt inducing. So it made me think about the prayer and my history with it as a spirtual device.

Since I have had this book, Power Through Constructive Thinking by Emmet Fox for many years, a scanner and Acrobat, I decided to scan it and post a blog entry on it this morning. My history with it is this: back in about 1986 I participated in a couple of 3 month long weekly discussion groups on Emmet Fox's The Sermon on the Mount and The Lord's Prayer with a guy who had known Emmet Fox in the 40's. His name was Dan Crouch and at the time he had 38 years of sobriety. So he taught us how to interpret this kind of what I call metaphysical Christianity in the context of AAs 12 steps. It was a fascinating, life changing adventure to go through this with program people.

What I learned was that if you look past the historical language, the distorted interpretations of theocratic institutions, the babbling of Bible thumping idiots... you can see that there is a lot of cool shit going on in some of the Bible in general, and in everything that Jesus said. Now I've been practicing Buddhism for a long time, and have never, ever considered myself a 'Christian'. As a matter of fact, I almost died at the hands of the Southern Baptist freakazoids in Texas (ok, it wasn't all their fault). But I don't think these people understand, in general, anything of a spiritual nature. Thier perspective is pretty sick. But that doesn't mean that there's nothing of value in things like The Lord's Prayer.

For example, in terms of blaming or fearing God. The author says that 'the same fountain cannot send forth both sweet and bitter water". This view, that 'God' can't send bad stuff to us, because 'His' nature is goodness, kind of fits in with the idea of intrinsic Buddha Nature, which purports that we are all enlightened beings. But we're ASLEEP to that knowledge. Interesting! Also, the main Buddhist teaching on Karma works with this idea, that WE are responsible for our experiences in life. In AA we say, "we realized that we put ourselves in a position to be hurt". I always think of it in the mirror of that, namely that we can also put ourselves in a position to be not hurt, or in the Feng Shui, the flow, the stream of life. Our friend Noah talks about going 'against the stream' but I think he's just looking for an exuse to retain a punker's rebellious attitude. It doesn't look that good on a 35 year old, IMHO! My sponsor says that 'rebellion is BORING'. But, I have to confess, I am a shit stirring mother-effer. I'm really working on it, but man, people need to be set straight. Wait, did I digress? Oh yeah, the Integration of Metaphysical Christianity with Intrinsic Buddha Nature of the Third Turning of the Wheel of Dharma in the context of Recovery within AA's Twelve Steps.

So I invite you to read this .PDF with an open mind. Try to relate it to your own experiences\ religious beliefs\spiritual journey\recovery. Look past the 'Thou Shalts' , 'His'es and other male, Biblical language to the deeper layer of meaning. Post up here what you think after you read it if you like. If you hate it and it makes your skin crawl with visions of nuns chasing you with rulers...feel free to expound on that. If you see parallels or contradictions with Buddhist Thought, I would welcome a comment to that effect. At least just read it and think about it. Maybe the next time you hear the Lord's Prayer, you won't wretch. As much. (-:

may you be free of suffering, and the root of suffering

-d

PS, in the teachings the root of suffering is said to be ignorance.

Tags: christianity, buddhism, recovery, aa, the lord's prayer, emmet fox

Path, what path?

http://blacksamba.gaia.com — Thu, 19 Apr 2007 19:47:51 GMT

I dreamt I was getting some Marlboro cigarettes at a convenient mart, but the proprietor was the owner of the Tibet store here in Portland. I found myself in line at a gas station, trying to get some deep fried shrimp dim sum. When I got up to the counter I opened my wallet and found that my Marlboros were really some kind of pack of 6 small cigarette-cigars. I looked at my credit card and realized it was a Visa with the brand name of the cigars. The other guy had given me the wrong stuff. But I had obviously already smoked one of those cigars, so I couldn't understand how I wouldn't have noticed already. So I told the lady I'd be back in 15 minutes, even though I figured it might take longer.

I went out to get my money back and realized I was on a street I didn't know. The name had changed. I went down the way I thought I knew, and wound up in this hilly neighborhood where I asked some girls and they laughed and said I was not where I thought I was. Portland was far away. They walked down the street before I could get good directions home, so I carried my bike back up the hill and asked some guest house guy at the top. He took me inside and kept trying and trying to give me directions to freeways that I'd never heard of. I didn't understand any of it, the street names, the map, I couldn't see or make out any of it. They were showing me how we were in this mountain town and I had no idea I was that far away. And no matter how many times he tried I couldn't understand him. So then this chic tried, and she was kind of flirting with me, but I still couldn't understand her. At one point, she showed me her butt crack and said something like, "look, I'll show you a map", but I couldn't look down since it would be impolite. Finally a guy from the program who I recognized from meetings wrote it all down neatly, with where to turn right and left. Then he turned to leave and said to the rest of them that he'd be back next week for meditation. I thought, "wait a minute, they're having a meditation meeting without me?".

I got on my bike and saw the freeway right down below. At that point I didn't care if I could ride my bike down it or not, I needed to get home. I saw a little path straight down there, which looked easy enough to navigate. But as I got down the hill, the path became more difficult and impassable. At the bottom, I actually found myself needing to cross a river to get to the freeway. So I decided to swim with my bike. In the water, the river became kind of an underground waterway. At one point I saw some smudge that made me think it was really kind of a sewer. I had left my bike underwater but retrieved it before I crawled up from the underpass. I was in someone's yard and I got up into this yard and was looking at what I thought was an overview, where there was a lady who welcomed me. I felt like finally I got to where I could see my path home, and although it looked like a really long way, I was relieved. Then some dogs came up to me and we were at a fountain that kept running, similar to what we have in Portland. Me and one nice doggy shared a drink from the faucet and I wondered if it was pure water or water from the sewer. I couldn't really taste the difference.

I woke up and realized that in the dream I couldn't navigate, couldn't understand anyone and needed to find my way home. People gave me information, but I didn't trust it and when I did it became difficult to understand. I got lost, couldn't understand the directions home and at the end I was trying to figure out why I never called AA to get someone to show me the way. I knew if I did, they would. That's a relief if I ever find myself lost on a bike in a strange mountain town, hungry for dimsum.

Tags: buddhism, dharma, dreams, recovery

Integration

http://blacksamba.gaia.com — Fri, 16 Mar 2007 08:10:39 GMT

Saturday - AA Speaker Meeting
Sunday - Namkhai Norbu Dzogchen practice group at my house, followed by AA Step Study and 11pm-5am shift on the AA hotline.
Monday - Intergroup service commitment for AA. Normally an AA meeting on that night.
Tuesday - Meditation with the Lama Surya Das group.
Wednesday - Meditation and discussion on koans with the Portland Zen Center group.
Thursday - Meditation with Yangsi Rinpoche at Maitripa.
Friday - study texts, meditate, go to AA meeting to hear a fellow practitioner speak.

This was the week ending Friday, March 16th, 2007. Pretty typical, except that every other week I do AA instead of the Lama Surya group, and every other week I do psychotherapy. I also work with some people in jail and am stepping up the number of inmates that I talk to pretty soon. I sit at Starbuck's a LOT, reading and having one-on-ones with fellow travellers, practitioners, community members. I've pretty much stopped working on my non-profit music program, Portland Jazz Jams. I've turned it over to other people to keep it going. My main focus now is study, practice and integration of the spiritual principles of AA with all of these other practices. It's very interesting to compare notes between all of these, which I won't go into yet. If you've been reading the blog (you can click the past pages or tags to catch up) you'll know that I've been working on this for a while now.

You may wonder why the hell I go to so many groups. Well, as we say in the program, "some are sicker than others". Frankly (yes, I love saying that), I can't handle just one group. They all drive me nuts in their own ways, but I find that if I attend a variety, I can get what I need from each without making unreasonable demands on any. For example, if I only went to Maitripa, I'd be worried and upset because the people there aren't all that fun to talk to, and it's hard to get a lot of teachings there unless you're in the university program. If I only went to the zendo, I'd have very little to talk about with anyone. It's easy to get in an AA rut, and therapy is only one hour every 2 weeks.

I try to keep my focus throughout all of these activities. Following are some notes from meditation on Tuesday afternoon. Maybe they reflect the work I'm working on as I try to work it out:

Thoughts attempt either to stop what is from coming into or being in experience, or to prevent what is in our experience from diminishing or ending. Either way what is, is. Whether it's coming or going, the clarity of experience is that phenomena are coming and going. All of it. Everything comes and goes. Nothing is permanent, particularly the "I'. Thoughts, sensations, our visions - all come and go, regardless of our obsession to attach to or avert from them. It's as if the ego is like a paranoid, cracked out traffic cop who blows his whistle all day long, trying to stop some cars that won't stop', and hold back some cars that won't stay.

Awareness observes this. Likes, dislikes, good, bad, beautiful, ugly, form and formless. Awareness is unaffected. The intellectual mind wants to understand what cannot be understood conceptually and the ego wants to control what cannot be controlled. This is our condition. It is very, very similar to what us addicts went through with the substances. But we all do it, all the time. It's just not as obvious. Until you start to contemplate.

Inasmuch as this is our state of reality, namely all phenomena are dependent arising, our efforts to deny phenomena of this movement is initself a denial of that reality. For no matter how hard we work at it, how much time we spend on it or how clever our ego gets as it goes about it's manimpulations, we are foreer unsuccessful. The lenth of time of arising and decay varies, but the eventuality of impermanencde remains. Eckhart Tolle says that this is the insanity of the egoic mind and most of the people on the planet.

The process continues. If you'd like to make a comment, please feel free by hitting the Comments link below. if you're not a Zaadz member, it's free to sign up.

may you be free of suffering, and the root of suffering

-d

Tags: zen, aa, tibetan, dzogchen

when we come back again

http://blacksamba.gaia.com — Wed, 21 Feb 2007 22:05:51 GMT

once we left this place
taking ourselves into the narrow space
were forgotten souls dwell

we're born and grow old
then we're born and grow old
and we're born and grow old

and we saw it all in an instant
on that long walk
along endless ocean
against infinite sky
ten million colors
raging without end
as we drew them all in
with every sweet breath
as if we'd never tasted death

once in the middle of a darkly lit morning
I thought I felt a turn shifting in the wind

her laughter stole my pain

before I looked I knew it had slipped away
no dream fulfilled that day
more empty prose my heart should not whisper

pure motives gone astray
but it leaks out like rain
from some rusted out gas can
on your daddy's back lawn
while he lays drunk on cheap beer
on an old, stained couch

and every scent
and every color
every lost thought
and every red moon at the end of seasons mired in ethereal darkness
speak thier words
when my mouth tries not to say her name
but every summer's sweet scents fade

it comes and goes
we walk the earth waiting for the cold touch of perpetual relief
as twilight comes to call
with the fall of every leaf

it comes and goes
yeah it all comes and goes
like who we think we are
arising, yet destined to fade
like the secret wishes of those
who walk alone in crowds
trying to remember
their favorite lover's names

once we left this place...

Tags: impermanence, suffering, desire

When Buddhas Kill

http://blacksamba.gaia.com — Thu, 01 Feb 2007 09:07:49 GMT

Tonight I went to my Zen center for sitting practice and discussion group. I'd taken a hiatus from the Zen center in mid-summer because I had a problem with the teacher. He'd suddenly given up private interviews, due to some problems of miscommunication with a female student. I had really grown to depend on those private sessions on a weekly basis. I felt like he abandoned me, left me out in the cold, didn't care and wasn't at all considerate of my feelings. I called a board meeting of the Zen center and grilled him in front of the board, who didn't really see it my way either. I called his teacher, and several other teachers in the lineage, partly to find out their thoughts, but mostly to complain. It wasn't pretty. I felt suddenly estranged from my sangha, and hadn't a clue why all this had happened. So I stopped going altogether soon afterwards.

In desperation, I went to the Tibetan FPMT International Office and Maitripa Institute (Buddhist University and Dharma Center) and talked with a lady about the Discovering Buddhism course and what other things were going on there. She gave me a 'module' on the topic of Relating to the Spiritual Teacher. I studied the materials, did a personal retreat and started on a whole new journey. You can read the blog entries from the summer forward to follow the path I took.

While on the retreat with Robina I talked with her about the Zen teacher and she said, “was he your teacher?” and I said “yes”. She said, “Then let it go. It's perfect. Leave it that way”, or something very similar. She'd told us this story of how the Buddha, in a previous incarnation, had been on a sailing ship, where the captain had gone crazy and was about to kill the crew. The Buddha, out of his boundless compassion, seeing that the captain was about to create real suffering for himself and others, chose to kill the captain. Even though the Buddha would suffer the karmic result of killing, he felt that it would be of greater benefit to make this sacrifice than to allow the captain to suffer in endless hells for his deeds, not to mention the suffering of the people who would have been killed.

She has a point to this story. It is this: Unless you are omniscient, which is to have the mind of a perfectly completed, fully enlightened Buddha, who is totally clairvoyant and able to see in the minds of all beings…then you have no business judging the act. This is quite radical, of course, as Venerable Robina puts is. From our view it would look like an unkind act. From the view of the Buddha it was an act of compassion and benefit. It is this view and this story that she brings up whenever I've heard students ask her, “what about the acts of this teacher, or that teacher, or George Bush, or whoever?” She says, “can you see his mind?” and then proceeds to shred the logic of the judgment. This is the Wisdom wing. The Hinayana path. And it was her advice to me.

I had stopped going to the Zen center altogether, and quit speaking of the situation. I figured it was done with, I'd moved on. Then a while later, in November, I went to another retreat on Dzogchen. I was telling the teacher about my history, the Zen, etc. and so on and so forth. He told me the same thing as Robina had said. Put your teacher in the mandala. In the group of teachers with whom you have had serious teachings. When you hear it from different sources like this, it's time to listen up.

One other thing about the Dzogchen path is that in it, we can practice what we need to practice. We don't have to worry about if it's this path or that teacher or who or what ever. It doesn't matter. If we find ourselves in some teachings, we take the teachings. We listen up. We get the essence of the teaching, and otherwise don't cause trouble with our opinions or need to be 'right' or what have you. So I follow this path. I guess in a sense it's a path of no path, but in a sense it's a very clear path. Depends on how you look at it. I look at it like I wanted to go sit silently and fix my vision on the wall in front of me. I wanted to be quiet and still. I'd tried going to a Thicht Nhat Hahn retreat in October, but I had to leave early because I just wasn't feeling it. I needed to sit zazen, so I went back to my Zen center. This part is kind of beside the point of this story, except that I'm trying to put it in context. Very much like I'm used to in Zen training, I take teachings in every moment of every day, every experience, every problem, every delusion. Especially in places that are supposed to be teachings, like AA meetings, therapy sessions, tantra practices with this lama, sutra practices with that lama, service to lamas, service to what is in this moment. Ok, you get it.

After years of struggle with the sangha and having not been there in months, I found myself back at the Zen center, on the cushion, quietly facing the wall. The teacher had gone into having group discussions after sitting on Wednesday nights. When he had the first few back at the beginning of summer I wasn't happy. There was no topic, and it was kind of lame. In my humble opinion at the time. But when I went back a couple of months ago, after months and months of intensive study, learning a plethora of new practices and attending all these retreats in different linneages, I was there just to sit and meditate. But as fate would have it, after sitting I was about to sneak out before the discussion but found myself kind of stuck where if I'd have left it would have been obvious. I didn't want to be a pain in the ass so I figured I'd sit there with my mouth shut until the discussion was over. But the strangest thing happed. Low and behold, the topic was the Eightfold Path. Buddhism at the Zen center?! Unbelievable. First time in 16+ years I'd heard a Buddhist topic from this, the Joko Beck lineage. It was great, and I had to stay. I've been going back for about 2 months, most Wednesdays.

I'm doing pretty well there. Not making a fuss, not having expectations, not getting upset or disappointed like I used to, contributing what I can to the conversation but trying not to let my ego get in the way of the group process, whatever that may look like. Well, there's a long story about how Joko fired her two Dharma Successors, Elizabeth and Ezra, by rescinding their Transmission. They are no longer her students, and are not allowed to use her name on anything. This happened in the summer, right about the time I left the zendo. I spoke with Joko several times but didn't want to press the issue with her because frankly, time is limited on the phone and I didn't want to waste it talking about those problems. But at first, many of us thought she'd lost her mind. She is pushing 90 and well, we didn't know what to think.

So I was a little curious and had inquired with another long time practitioner as to the status of the situation. It was unchanged. The Zen Center of San Diego was no longer affiliated with it's founder. So after sitting practice, my teacher sat down next to me and I asked him, quietly about it. He was saying yeah, that's how it is and he didn't really understand it all but it's her business. I'd said how I felt it was her Transmission, and if they were indeed teaching practices that are untrue to the integrity of her Transmission, then she has the right to say, “take my name off of this, you're on your own”. He agreed. See, he and I don't talk one on one at all any more. Small talk if we're alone together. I always acknowledge his role as teacher and don't try to push my opinion on him or the group like I used to. I made a mala for him. I blessed it, gave it to him as an offering, and have been trying to follow the advice from the above mentioned teachers on keeping it in the perspective of proper respect. That said, we're kind of getting to know each other again, in the group context, so I was talking with him, quietly, out of earshot of the group.

Then the weirdest thing happened. There was this kind of, I don't know, drunk lady. She might have been sober, or on pain pills, but whatever it was she was a little loopy, yet seemed to know some things. Although she seemed kooky, I could tell that she'd put some time into practice. I could have been pissed off and left early, but, per my above aforementioned policy, I decided, “ok, THIS is the teaching for tonight”. However it turned out. Weird how it turned out though.

One of the other students, who never says a word, suddenly grew balls. She actually said to the teacher, “so, what about JOKO? how is SHE practicing compassion by doing that?”, meaning the firing of her former students from the lineage. The teacher gave his answer, the kooky lady kept interrupting with interesting questions. Then I told the story cited above that Robina taught me. Then another cycle of students, the teacher, back and forth and this is the weird part…when I was at that board meeting in the summer, trying to convince everyone of the teacher's wrong doing, two of these ladies were there. One of them gave me a pretty skeptical time, as she had been doing for years. This lady had even stopped me on the street in her nice neighborhood several years ago and said, “what are YOU doing here?”. She's never been a fan, and she saw me at my worst at that board meeting. But tonight, she was dumbstruck. She says, “well by your explanation, anything the teacher does is RIGHT then?”. Like that. To which I replied, but the kind of drunk lady kept pressing, and asked me, “what do you MEAN by judgment?”. So in the best way I knew how, I tried to summarize what I'd been taught and said “unless I have the omniscient mind of the Buddha, and can see clairvoyantly into the mind of the teacher, I have NO BUSINESS judging their actions”. BAM! Jaws dropped. No one said anything, so I added, "it's a hard one for us to hear , but I find the story useful, and applicable." Because you see, last summer I had judged hard and publicly. Very publicly. And now, here we were, practicing Buddhism.

Why this is such a mindblower to me is that I wasn't even ever going to bring it up. I'd made peace with the situation, like I said. I wasn't even TRYING to bring it up, or talk about my situation with this teacher that I was sitting next to, in his home, his zendo. But, in trying to share the teachings of Crazy Wisdom , as Trungpa Rinpoche called it, I was inadvertently telling the story of my coming to terms with the relationship right there in that room. The students were looking at the teacher, then looking at me, then at him, kind of in disbelief. Obviously, I was THERE, so I must have done some work on my mind. The evidence was undeniable. If I was still a raving lunatic about it all, I wouldn't be able to sit there calmly, week after week. The explanation of why, however, came kind of under the layer of talking about another situation. Although really, it was the same situation. At one point I'd figured the whole damn school of Zen was out to lunch and I got out just in time. 'All the teachers are acting in questionable manners, and I'm sticking with the lamas from now on'. And that was how it went until I got clear on at least this one aspect of how to relate to the spiritual teacher.

We have a saying in AA. “Work the steps, or the steps will work you”. I think the Dharma is working in my life in the same way. So strange, that in trying to apply the healing principles of relating properly to the spiritual teacher to what looked like a different scenario, I was able to participate in what I feel is a healing process for this group. I know I caused some damage there, and I hope I'm now being of benefit. That's what the Dharma is for. Benefit to all beings.

May we all be free of suffering, and the root of suffering.
Homage to all my teachers.

-d

As always, your comments are welcome and encouraged.

Tags: zen, buddhist, buddhism, teacher, spiritual teacher, crazy wisdom, robina, AA, dzogchen

I worked the steps and 'they' changed...

http://blacksamba.gaia.com — Mon, 04 Dec 2006 23:13:17 GMT

Click here for the Retreat Photos.

I'm writing this on December 4th, 2006 after returning from retreat this weekend. It's my 9 year sobriety birthday today. In AA we often hear people talk about how when they came in they thought everybody was an asshole. They say, "then after I worked the steps, you all changed!". It's kind of funny that way. When we look at ourselves, take responsibility for our position in life, the blaming subsides. As long as the 'locus of control' is external, I'm a helpless victim of circumstances. When I bring it in to my own mind, it is only then that I can do something about it. If you read the last blog entry on Dharma Neurosis, it will be easier to put this one into perspective.

I'm not sure why, but this saying is what comes to mind regarding the experience I had this weekend in Seattle at the Dharma Friendship Foundation. The teacher was Venerable Robina Courtin. We were invited to stay at a woman's home, where the teacher was also staying. It was in the lovely suburban neighborhood of Magnolia in Central Seattle. The center was about a mile from the house. A couple of hundred feet from the door of the center was a Tully's and a Starbuck's, and several restaurants. Everything we needed was right there. It was a self-contained retreat experience, but without being confined to a retreat center.

The lady who hosted us lives in the downstairs of her house and reserves the upstairs for visiting teachers and students. She's an ecologist, cat and dog lover who took refuge 31 years ago. The home has several altars, tangkas on every wall, pictures or symbols above every door way, and is lined with books on many subjects, particularly - you guessed it, Buddhism!

She offered us food, conversation and warmth, as well as fresh towels and lots of pillows. When we were ready to go out, she came out with a house key on a red string. There was a little grey cat, and three dogs, one of which was a very skiddish rescue who had been returned to the shelter after snapping at her new owner. That didn't sway Ruth from taking "Uma" in, however.

At the teachings down the street, the vibe was just as nice. The small center is basically one room that holds about 25 people. A lot of people made eye contact with us, and said hellow. Several went out of their way to come up and greet both myself and Tysa. I did my usual, "Hi, I'm Darren, what's your name?" thing that I do at retreats, and had no problem connecting with everyone with whom I made an effort. This was really new, and really cool, and I can't figure it out. Have I come to some new realization, or are the people at this center just nicer? It was really, really interesting.

Venerable Robina taught on the topic of the Root Delusions from the lamrim text by Yangsi Rinpoche, Practicing the Path: A Commentary on the Lamrim Chenmo. She laid it out, broke it down, cleared it up, and made it sink in - in her usual direct, precise and hard hitting style. We all soaked it up like dry sponges in a dharma desert. If you listen to Robina and still don't get it - well, you better look at yourself. Because she is definitely the no B.S, super knowledgeable, super heavy duty, real deal teacher of the Dharma. No question. Check up! (as Venerable is fond of saying).

We had lunch and a discussion group with Robina on the first day and worked with her on a project deadline later, back at the house. That was really fun to have that one-on-one interaction with the teacher that really effectively brought (and continues to bring) the Dharma to my understanding. I remember the first time I heard her talk a couple of years ago. I mentioned to her after that I wasn't sure I remembered everything she said. She just smiled and said, "that's ok, the seeds are sewn". Indeed they were. They say to see the teacher as Buddha. With Venerable, it's no stretch of the imagination. The closer contact made our trip really special, on top of everything else. I consider it quite a blessing.

We went to a meetiing on Saturday night at a cafe in Downtown seattle. I wound up chairing the meeting. The topic was, "our very lives as ex-problem drinkers depend upon our constant thought of others". In Buddhism, this is called Bodhicitta. I connected with a guy after the meeting who was having a little trouble. As we talked, I recommended that he try some breathing meditation to calm down a bit. He pulled out a book on Tibetan Buddhism and said, "yeah, I'm working on that!". A coincidence? Uh...I don't THINK so.

All of the people were nice, the setting was fantastic and the teachings were rock solid. There is not a single person with whom I had trouble. Why did I have such a positive experience? Because I take refuge in the essence of the teachings, because I'm working a program, because 'they' are nicer than 'they' are in other places? Maybe it was because Tysa was with me and I felt less alienated and defensive. All of the above are the causes, in my opinion, to make these conditions possible. According to the Dharma, we make our own beds.

Tysa got into the Dharma, I made new friends and the teachings were deepened for both of us. We made malas to give to Venerable Robina as offerings, but the one I gave her broke all over the floor within a minute of giving it to her. Tysa's worked out much better and I think Robina liked it a lot, which made me really happy. Tysa and I talked buddhism all the 3 hours drive home on Sunday night, and for the first time, I wasn't just telling her all about it. We were processing together, explaining what we had learned, integrating it with our spiritual lives in recovery. It was really beautiful. Tysa says, "Robina TAUGHT ME. She taught me". Pretty cool, now we're more on the same page. Tysa's always been supportive of my spiritual pursuits, but hasn't followed the same path. I remember the first time she saw me meditating, about 9 years ago. I don't think she knew what to make of it. She said something like, "so, do you think you're spiritual now?". I enjoy growing spiritually with her, and this was a great step to take together.

So I rejoice in the comfort of this retreat experience. I'm very grateful and appreciative of the Buddha, the Dharma AND the Sangha, and the deep meaning that it's all taking in my life. Tysa asked me if there was one thing that I could say was the most relevant teaching of the weekend. I'll leave you with the answer to her question.

Robina taught us a view of meditation, and the two basic types. Namely analysis and concentration. After hearing teachings, then thinking through the topic, the Tibetan Buddhist way is to watch your mind, keeping the awareness on the single point of your meditation. Develop the realization, then try to stay with it. She kept repeating, 'stay ...stay ...stay.. like you'd tell a dog!'. Her next words were an epiphany for me. She said that when your concentration drifts, to 'Just Keep Coming Back...'.

It works. It really does.

(-:

As always, comments are welcome.

-d

Tags: robina, buddhism, dharma, karma, retreat, steps

Dharma Neurosis (and other spiritual trips)

http://blacksamba.gaia.com — Sat, 18 Nov 2006 03:44:09 GMT

"We feel that we are members of a special club, which is called spirituality, and that it is a little better than the regular club, which is called samsara. However, aside from the labels, there is not much difference in our whole being. Nothing is changing internally. If we become caught up in such patterns of activity, then we are not leading ourselves toward any genuine result or achievement."

From, "Wild Awakening: The Heart of Mahamudra and Dzogchen" by Dzogchen Ponlop.
pg 182 on Not Losing the Way

Since my last blog entry I've been on a couple of retreats in different traditions, as well as a ton of teachings locally. I'll post more on the teachings, which have been exceptionally excellent, later on.

But for today's topic, let me start by saying that I've been around people on the spiritual path since 1984 and have come across a lot of examples. Some I follow, some I avoid. The teachers are often great. Their followers are often not. I remember one of my first meditation retreats ever was in the hills above Los Gatos with the guru Roy Davis on Kriya Yoga, back around '85. Some friends on the path who 'had what I wanted' were into him, so I followed up. I had so many questions and he was so impatient with me. I left with more questions than answers. I'm sure Roy's a great guy, but he was not in the least bit helpful to me.

His group was people from the Paramahansa Yogananda school, "Self Realization Fellowship". It sounds friendly enough. Years later I visited their home base in San Diego, which happened to be on a holiday, Easter or Thanksgiving, I forget which. I was really broken up over a relationship and was needing some spiritual connection. But it was so odd. If you weren't an 'initiate' they put you in a separate room where you could watch the proceedings on closed circuit TV. So I sat in that room by myself, and left with more questions than answers. I didn't get it, because I connected so easily with the Master's teachings, particularly the books, Man's Eternal Quest: Collected Talks and Essays on Realizing God in Daily Life (Collected Talks and Essays) and The Science of Religion.

In the early 80's I did a few AA retreats at Asilomar in Monterey. Those were heavy duty. You got to know a bunch of people and everybody had their own version of a transformative experience. You left with some level of change having taken place. But on the regular daily path, I was still looking for some place to explore the deeper issues of spirituality not directly associated with alcoholism. So I attended some of the Science of Mind, Unitarian and various non-denominational groups, like the Center for Spiritual Awareness. I went to meditation meetings at people's houses sometimes. One such group followed this monk who found his calling when he hitched a ride with someone on the way to Santa Cruz and wound up going to India to take teachings, eventually returning to the US to get a PhD in psychology in hopes of merging it with Buddhism. I thought THAT was cool! People I could relate to. So I went to this meeting. Their leader was this lady who sat in a big chair, staring straight ahead, with her hand on a big cane. I tried to connect and found out that they were really kind of weird and rather unfriendly to outsiders. Go figure. I never returned.

In Long Beach I used to sit with a guy and his wife who followed a teacher from LA who'd started a center in San Diego after some problems with the teacher in LA. They were nice. Once they took me to sit at the center in San Diego, thinking it would be good to connect with the main group. But I really felt like such an outsider, and there were SO many people. Everybody was like, really well dressed and intellectual, but nobody was the slightest bit friendly. The teacher and I got along fine, and still have a relationship to this day, 16 years later. But I never did connect with the students. I was really surprised how cold they were!

I remember being in Dallas at a Zen center which I frequented, trying to unsuccessfully to make friends, but otherwise loving the teacher, his books and talks. I particularly enjoyed our private 'dokusan' meetings. But the sangha was like a closed door. I was really depressed, and used to drive an hour at 0700 on Sunday mornings to sit with them. But everybody was so on their own, it was really hard to strike up a conversation. I stuck with that group for at least a year anyways, as I'd more or less quit going to AA at the time and didn't have a lot of options. Frankly, I was pretty desparate. We did one retreat, I think around 1995, where I felt like I connected a little bit with some people, but it didn't amount to any lasting relationships. Although I do email with the teacher about once every few years. He always says, "glad your sitting still and still sitting!". He was a pretty good guy, a former Catholic priest turned married Zen monk. I hear they have a really nice center now. Around 2001 I got a call from one of the sangha. I was so happy to hear from her! But she didn't call to talk to me, but rather to find this lady's phone number so she could invite her to their center's opening. She didn't mention if I should come, so I didn't invite myself. I was really surpised! But I'm not sure why..

So it goes on like this throughout my journies, and continues to go on to this day. I went to a friend's Muslim wedding last summer, and found the same situation as I had in Catholic churches over the years. Had to pull teeth to get a smile out of anybody. California, Texas, Colorado. Same. Centers and small groups in Santa Cruz, Portland, Vancouver B.C. Always a similar story. In all of these there are teachers, and there are students. There are books and oral teachings, and there is everyday life. And there always seems to be such a huge gap between them. There's always the 'inside' people, who guard thier spiritual terrain like they do their hippy designed Patagonia knapsack on the bus they take to do their part in the 'alternative' transportation movement on the way to the overpriced all organic market to get a bag of spinach for tonite's dairy free dinner. I know what you're thinking. "Gee Darren, what's the common denominator here?". How insightful! Yeah, give me a little credit, that is usually the first thought on my mind. "There's something wrong with me" or, "Why is this so weird?". And so on. But I've refined my hypothesis a little over 22 years, and I think there's a little more to it.

It has to do with ego identity and the inability or absolute refusal to surrender. Irving Goffman, the amazing sociologist who did his dissertation as an undercover mental patient, transformed my understanding of institutions and the process of institutionalization, in a book called, The Presentation of Self in Everyday Life. He makes a statement that, when I first read it, I had to put the book down and say, "That's it!". Well, that was a long time ago, and this is really something that has held true over years of observation. Namely, that people don't change. It's very, very hard to want to change. Even if we want to, what we think we want isn't always what we find that we really want once we find it. Ok, I'm paraphrasing and expanding on his ideas, but hear me out.

Take this quote from Wild Awakening, mentioned above, "When we start our journey, our motivation is very genuine, clear, personal and fresh. then at a certain point it becomes a little hazy and we lose our sense of what we are doing. We experience passion, aggression and jealousy towards others traveling on the same path. We develop all sorts of emotional upheavals and disturbances. When we recognize such circumstances arising on our path, we can see that we are no longer following the path of enlightenment.

At that point on our spiritual path, we can fall into the depths of discontent. It is the same old samsaric story of discontent and grasping. We are not happy with what we re doing; we want something more. For example, we may have a good teacher who is instructing us in the practice of shamatha, but we become dissatisfied with our shamatha practice. We feel that shamatha is for beginners, and we want something more. Then perhaps we are given vipashyana meditation and we are still not happy with that. Next, we might be given a Vajrayana practice to. We do the visualization and recite the mantra, but still we want more and more and more. When we are practicing sitting meditation, we feel that we need to be reading certain books, so we jump from sitting to reading. When we are reading and studying the profound teachings of Vajrayana or Mahayana, we thing, "Oh, I'm missing my sitting practice", and we want to go back to shamatha. We jump around among these activities, fueled by our fluctuating desire and discontent."

This is true of spiritual seekers in centers and groups of all the flavors I've encountered. That teacher in Dallas that I mentioned earlier said something over 10 years ago that still makes sense to me. He said, "if you're looking for something else to add a notch to your spiritual tool belt, you're barking up the wrong tree". Or something to that effect. But I don't know if it matters as much the specific tradition as much as the actual commitment to the process, which translates to the willingness to surrender. Completely. Entirely. All ego. All the time. Joko Beck, in Everyday Zen: Love & Work puts it this way, if, faced with death "are you willing to climb the cross of the moment, and serve your executioner well?". Total surrender. Totally. It's a bitch. Not what we want to do. We want to feel better. We want all of the things of mundane life that matter to all of the beings in all of the places, at all of the times. We want to be regarded well, feel comfortable, have friends, be loved, and so on.

One way of looking at this is what I was saying I learned from Goffman. We can say we want to change until we're blue in the face. But people rarely transform unless faced with a life threatening, monumental, catastrophic event. Near death experiences, life-threatening illnesses and so on. These types of events reveal our impermanence and question the concreteness of our identities. Without such experiences, we, as seekers on the path, can seldom see how deeply we're suffering. When we get close, we usually come up with distraction after distraction that keeps us looking outward, and therefore render us unable to change. As Bob Thurman says, if we continue to see ourselves as one against a universe of innumerable others, we will always be outnumbered and destined to lose. To see ourselves as part of the whole requires disintegration of the ego. Surrender to reality. And it's the last thing any of us really wants to do. But it sure is a fun hat to wear.

Even when we see the suffering, even when we know we're bound to lose unless we change, and even when we reach out everywhere we can in every way we can...we still don't begin to really change unless we consider the option of continuous, long term, daily surrender. This is the true path of enlightenment. Surrender to what is, no matter how bad it hurts. And the people who have surrendered deeply, and continue to live in a precious, moment to moment process of surrender, are few and far between.

So what do I need to surrender to? The facts, what else? The fact is that most people only think they're spiritual. As a matter of fact, it's pretty commonly said in teachings that when we think we are, we're not. And most people don't even think they are. And most people in spiritual groups who do think they are, aren't. There can be a number of explanations for why, when spiritual centers are supposed to be places of transformation and change, that people can still act the same way they do when you're standing in line at Starbuck's for a double soy latte no foam hold the whip, or trying to reach past a scrambling hand at a %50 off sale, or trying to parallel park downtown. Everybody's in it for themselves. I don't care what they say. I don't care if they wear robes, eastern clothing, are pure vegans or float across the lake on their way home. Most people are in it for themselves and, as the Ponlop says, that is not the spiritual path. Even if we call it the spiritual path.

Some long term practitioners who've been around for a while call this Dharma Samsara or Dharma Neurosis. I call it lack of honesty or more specifically lack of self-honesty. Or pseudo-spirituality. But it doesn't matter, because in fact, it is indeed a reflection of my own mind, and in order to practice what I preach, I have to apply the lesson to my own situation. So how do I do it?

I don't get sucked in. I don't have expectations. I don't make demands. I ask very little of people and try to give more than I take. I try to see them for who they are, and that means looking at who I really am. And, when my feelings are hurt because I'm a little vulnerable or sensitive that day and people are being who they are and not running up to give me hugs or even give enough of a rat's ass to say, "how are you?" then I can work with it and not react, not get resentful, or if I do, I still just try to keep my mouth shut.

In AA we have a saying. "You may be the only 'Big Book' someone ever sees". So be an example. Instead of complaining why it's not the way you think it should be, be part of the solution. Be the change you want to see in the world. Apply the teachings to this moment, which is part of the continual stream of infinite opportunity for spiritual growth, i.e., surrender.

That's the way I'm trying to view it, and the way I'm trying to apply spiritual principles to my own life. Because I don't want to be a hypocrite or another self-centered fake-ass pseudo-spiritual wanna-be in monk's clothing. Not that I wear monk's clothing and not that all monk's are fake. I was just trying to think of a good way to close with a bit of clever wit. To be perfectly honest. (-:

As always your comments are welcome here.

-d

Sentient Beings are Numberless
I Vow to Save Them All

Tags: dharma, buddhism, retreat, dharma neurosis, surrender, aa, zen

A Moment in My Head #5

http://blacksamba.gaia.com — Sat, 14 Oct 2006 21:26:58 GMT

I was at the weekly meditation class at Maitripa this week, with Yangsi Rinpoche. He's been doing a basic, guided meditation without a lot of Tibetan trappings for about a month now. Normally, with the typical services, we do a lot of chanting in Tibetan, with offerings, motivations and so forth. But this is I think intended to be more of an introduction to Tibetan Buddhist meditation. That said, this last week was as intense as it's been. He introduced several different, or what seemed like several different meditations. But really I think the whole thing was one long guided meditation, with different aspects. You can listen to it here, right click to save or click to open in your browser:

http://blacksamba.com/talks/yangsi_rinpoche/Meditation_10_12_06.mp3

I'm not used to having different aspects in meditation. I'm used to sitting still and silent for a 35 minute period, followed by walking meditation, with another 35 minute sitting session, with 3 bows at the conclusion. No one talks. No one moves. You can hear the breathing of the person on the other side of the hall.

begin diatribe
What's always made me nuts is how in the Tibetan groups, nobody ever sits still. It makes me REALLY crazy. Of course, I know that this is, as Venerable Robina tells me, my own mind, and reveals more about me than it does about them - as we say in AA. That said, it drives me REALLY crazy! Even in the Tibetan tradition, there is a book called Words of My Perfect Teacher, where it talks about how to listen to teachings. In that book it clearly states that one is to see one's teacher, and in my case I try to do this with anyone who is giving teachings, regardless of their level or whatever, as Buddha. There's a saying that if you see your teacher as an ordinary person, you get the blessings of an ordinary person. At any rate, it says to be as if in a meditation. In the zen halls, when receiving a Dharma talk, we normally keep our meditation posture, albeit a little more relaxed. Depends on where you go. The point is to take the teachings with as little distraction as possible. But the Tibetan groups are different, in that if a person wants to unscrew their water bottle, take a bunch of big gulps, slap the cap back on and drop it to the floor in the middle of the teaching or silence, they do it, with seemingly no concern whatsoever. My point is that I think it's just due to ignorance and the inability to be with one's self. That's the key thing about meditation, being with one's self. So, to practise what I preach, and since I have, "Noise Karma", I practise with the disturbing noises! And, it's a real challenge.
end diatribe

Rinpoche is very, very good with his guidance. I've had some of the following insights in this past month during his meditations. Somewhat of a a series of 'moments in my head':

he speaks from emptiness. when Rinpoche gives teachings, it's not from his own ego, his own delusions of self-existence, or pride. nothing like that. he speaks FROM emptiness. if I listen deeply, I can hear the teachings coming from him in this way.
he speaks directly to me, and tells me exactly what I need to hear, for myself, exactly where my mind is at at that precise moment. when taking teachings in this way, I find that they make the most sense, are immediately personal and applicable. In AA this is called, 'hearing what we need to hear' and happens regularly in meetings. since it is a spiritual program, spiritual experiences are quite common.
to take this a step farther, the Buddhas and Bodhisattvas are teaching all the time, so that any experience, at any moment of my life, can be a teaching, and should be seen as such. yes, this includes the noisy, nose scratching, fidgeting knucklehead next to me.
it's ok to use the mind to culitvate a position from which one can reside. it's called calm abiding. creating through logic the place within the mind where compassion makes sense, for example. then, being in that state for a while as one prays, does mantra, and so on. this is new to me, and has taken some getting used to.
if one were to actually DO or realize the depth and actuality of the teachings in these guided meditations, one would actualize the teachings and would awaken completely. sometimes during the meditations I think, "wow, am I supposed to be able to do this?" and I feel like I'm not doing it right. but I understand that these are teachings to be practised and perfected. as we say in AA, "progress, not perfection".
mantra is using the power of sound, which emanates from the heart of Buddha. when we do mantra after meditating for a while, the effect is amazing. particularly when hearing Rinpoche do it with his particular singing inflections. it's beautiful, powerful and amazing. if I tune my voice, from my heart, to his during mantra, it's a really nice practise and makes me feel not alone in the world, that there is beauty, and there is compassion. listen to the mp3 and try it yourself. come back here and make a comment if you like.

I had promised my sponsor that I'd do the AA 3rd Step prayer that night. The prayer reads, "God, I offer myself to thee, to build with me and do with me as thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of they power, thy love, and they way of life. May I do thy will always. Amen".

This is the moment in my head that stands out sort of strongly and is seemingly a subtle culmination of the above series of moments: During one part of this week's meditation, I was having a lot of trouble mustering the feeling of compassion, or visualizing my guru. So I thought of god, in the context of the AA 3rd step prayer. The room seemed to fill with white light which had always been emanating, which I could tell was always there, that I'd been feeling forever. But it just sort of manifested for a few seconds when I thought of 'god' in this way. Then we did the guru mantra:

Namo Gurubhya

namo means homage, or I bow. guru of course means guru and when you put bhya at the end, it makes it plural and turns it into the object of obeisance, so: Homage to the Gurus!

(thanks to Damcho Diana in India for the translation!)

A nice wrapup, and prelude to Lama Zopa Rinpoche's upcoming teaching here in Portland on Guru Yoga on November 1st. Don't worry, I'll be video taping it!

as always, comments welcome.

may you enjoy happiness, and the root of happiness,

-d

PS for more Moments in My Head, click the Tag Browser to your right. All posts are tagged with topics for future reference.

Tags: a moment in my head, meditation, god, buddhism, noise karma, aa, 3rd step

Intro to Maitripa Institute TV Program

http://blacksamba.gaia.com — Sat, 30 Sep 2006 22:08:53 GMT

Click this link to watch the show:
http://maitripa.blip.tv/

I brought our lama, Yangsi Rinpoche into the TV studio to do a show about Maitripa Institute as an introduction to Buddhism, the Dharma Center Programs, and a bit of a promotion for the upcoming fundraiser benefit. It went very well, and is quite informative. Take a look and let me know what you think. This is the description from the video blog where it's hosted:

Maitripa Institute is a Buddhist University and Dharma Center here in Portland, Oregon. This show is an introduction to Maitripa and it's programs. Sara Blumenthal is assistant editor of Mandala Magazine, and a graduate student at Maitripa. She interviews resident lama Yangsi Rinpoche on the history, development and future aspirations of Maitripa. Also interviewed are Dr. James Blumenthal, Professor of Buddhist Studies and two graduate students. It is approximately 45 minutes in length.

Click this link to watch the show:
http://maitripa.blip.tv/

This program was developed at Portland Community Media and was produced, directed and edited by Darren Littlejohn.

Tags: buddhism, buddha, tibetan buddhism, dharma, maitripa