A Moment in My Head #5

I was at the weekly meditation class at Maitripa this week, with Yangsi Rinpoche. He's been doing a basic, guided meditation without a lot of Tibetan trappings for about a month now.  Normally, with the typical services, we do a lot of chanting in Tibetan, with offerings, motivations and so forth. But this is I think intended to be more of an introduction to Tibetan Buddhist meditation. That said, this last week was as intense as it's been. He introduced several different, or what seemed like several different meditations. But really I think the whole thing was one long guided meditation, with different aspects. You can listen to it here, right click to save or click to open in your browser:

http://blacksamba.com/talks/yangsi_rinpoche/Meditation_10_12_06.mp3


I'm not used to having different aspects in meditation. I'm used to sitting still and silent for a 35 minute period, followed by walking meditation, with another 35 minute sitting session, with 3 bows at the conclusion. No one talks. No one moves. You can hear the breathing of the person on the other side of the hall.

begin diatribe
What's always made me nuts is how in the Tibetan groups, nobody ever sits still. It makes me REALLY crazy. Of course, I know that this is, as Venerable Robina tells me, my own mind, and reveals more about me than it does about them - as we say in AA. That said, it drives me REALLY crazy! Even in the Tibetan tradition, there is a book called Words of My Perfect Teacher, where it talks about how to listen to teachings. In that book it clearly states that one is to see one's teacher, and in my case I try to do this with anyone who is giving teachings, regardless of their level or whatever, as Buddha. There's a saying that if you see your teacher as an ordinary person, you get the blessings of an ordinary person. At any rate, it says to be as if in a meditation. In the zen halls, when receiving a Dharma talk, we normally keep our meditation posture, albeit a little more relaxed. Depends on where you go. The point is to take the teachings with as little distraction as possible. But the Tibetan groups are different, in that if a person wants to unscrew their water bottle, take a bunch of big gulps, slap the cap back on and drop it to the floor in the middle of the teaching or silence, they do it, with seemingly no concern whatsoever. My point is that I think it's just due to ignorance and the inability to be with one's self. That's the key thing about meditation, being with one's self. So, to practise what I preach, and since I have, "Noise Karma", I practise with the disturbing noises! And, it's a real challenge.
end diatribe

Rinpoche is very, very good with his guidance. I've had some of the following insights in this past month during his meditations. Somewhat of a a series of  'moments in my head':

• he speaks from emptiness. when Rinpoche gives teachings, it's not from his own ego, his own delusions of self-existence, or pride. nothing like that. he speaks FROM emptiness. if I listen deeply, I can hear the teachings coming from him in this way.
  
• he speaks directly to me, and tells me exactly what I need to hear, for myself, exactly where my mind is at at that precise moment. when taking teachings in this way, I find that they make the most sense, are immediately personal and applicable. In AA this is called, 'hearing what we need to hear' and happens regularly in meetings. since it is a spiritual program, spiritual experiences are quite common.
  
• to take this a step farther, the Buddhas and Bodhisattvas are teaching all the time, so that any experience, at any moment of my life, can be a teaching, and should be seen as such. yes, this includes the noisy, nose scratching, fidgeting knucklehead next to me.
  
• it's ok to use the mind to culitvate a position from which one can reside. it's called calm abiding. creating through logic the place within the mind where compassion makes sense, for example. then, being in that state for a while as one prays, does mantra, and so on. this is new to me, and has taken some getting used to.
• if one were to actually DO or realize the depth and actuality of the teachings in these guided meditations, one would actualize the teachings and would awaken completely. sometimes during the meditations I think, "wow, am I supposed to be able to do this?" and I feel like I'm not doing it right. but I understand that these are teachings to be practised and perfected. as we say in AA, "progress, not perfection".
  
• mantra is using the power of sound, which emanates from the heart of Buddha. when we do mantra after meditating for a while, the effect is amazing. particularly when hearing Rinpoche do it with his particular singing inflections. it's beautiful, powerful and amazing. if I tune my voice, from my heart, to his during mantra, it's a really nice practise and makes me feel not alone in the world, that there is beauty, and there is compassion. listen to the mp3 and try it yourself. come back here and make a comment if you like.
  

I had promised my sponsor that I'd do the AA 3rd Step prayer that night. The prayer reads, "God, I offer myself to thee, to build with me and do with me as thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of they power, thy love, and they way of life. May I do thy will always. Amen". 

This is the moment in my head that stands out sort of strongly and is seemingly a subtle culmination of the above series of moments: During one part of this week's meditation, I was having a lot of trouble mustering the feeling of compassion, or visualizing my guru. So I thought of god, in the context of the AA 3rd step prayer. The room seemed to fill with white light which had always been emanating, which I could tell was always there, that I'd been feeling forever. But it just sort of manifested for a few seconds when I thought of 'god' in this way. Then we did the guru mantra:

Namo Gurubhya
 (thanks to Damcho Diana in India for the translation!)

A nice wrapup, and prelude to Lama Zopa Rinpoche's upcoming teaching here in Portland on Guru Yoga on November 1st. Don't worry, I'll be video taping it!

as always, comments welcome.

may you enjoy happiness, and the root of happiness,

-d

PS for more Moments in My Head, click the Tag Browser to your right. All posts are tagged with topics for future reference.