Title: the 12 Step Buddhist

Gender: Male

Age: 46

Sun Sign: Gemini

Location: Portland, OR

 

PRESENT:
Many people have commented on my story and have asked for more. Here it is! Check out my forthcoming book:
http://12stepbuddhist.com

Community saved my butt. Volunteering is key. After working in music festivals and lobbying for a fantastic dog park, I created a community based music program called Portland Jazz Jams. If you read the Why We Do It section, you'll see that the project is a spiritual practise based on principles of recovery and community.

I'll be writing more on recovery and Buddhism on the blog.  There are also three discussion “pods” for these topics:
 
12step http://pods.gaia.com/12step
Power of Now http://pods.gaia.com/now
Dharma http://pods.gaia.com/dharma

PAST:
I was in recovery from 1984-1994 (age 22-32). At the end of my coursework for an MA in Research Psychology, and 5 minutes before my thesis was completed, I decided to move to Texas to study Jazz in the area where SRV was born. My intent was to combine the psych degree with advanced work in Music Therapy. It didn't quite work out as planned, however, and I took a left turn. Denton, Texas has a little  thing called the Fry St. Fair, where I somehow decided that after 10 years of therapy, meditation and AA, that now was a good time to revisit the LSD experience  as a tool to enhance my spiritual understanding. That was the beginning of the end. Or the end of the beginning.

The first trip was ok, but the next several didn't work out as well, and I eventually moved on to X because 'that must be the next right thing', 'acid was outdated', etc. As might seem obvious, that didn't work either. I wound up back in the bottle and worse.

Eventually, I paniced in an effort to save my life. I left everything I owned in Texas and went to the Rocky Mountains with only what I could carry. I spent a year  up there at 10,000 feet - smoking weed and opium, tripping, drinking brandy and night skiing really, really fast with an almost suicidal fury.  After a season of snow, It occurred to me that if I was going to be this depressed I could do it in a warmer climate, so I loaded up the truck with my 10 year old son and headed to Santa Cruz, CA, which was known as freak central when I was a kid, if that tells you how I was feeling. The one positive to come out of that phase is that  I learned how to be alone up there in the snow, for the first time ever. I only wish I hadn't needed the substances to faciliate it.

I came back to AA in 1997 quite by accident (-:  and have been clean and sober since. But the damage was done. For a complex array of reasons, I went on total and permanent disability in 2000. In 2002 I began intensive medical psychotherapy and equally intensive zen practise again. I refuse to give in to the insanity, although it's a MOFO to deal with on a day-to-day basis. The 'period of repair' since 1984 has been so grueling with all of the therapy, grad school, years of meditation, music study and spiritual research. I should be ok by now! Right?

But this is the path.

SPIRITUAL HISTORY: (not counting past lives)
I first meditated in 4th grade watching a public access Karate program. ”Think of a pond, in the middle of a forest, with no ripples”.  That followed with books on martial arts as a form of introduction to Eastern thought. The TV Show Kung Fu was the best thing ever. I loved that guy!  It was disillusionment when I read that David Carradine was a smack head in real life! Later, in 6th grade I read books like Your Erroneous Zones (and The Excorcist). In 7th grade I became a teenager and that freedom led me to make friends with the stoners. The rest is history, and I dropped out of school in the 8th grade to pursue drugs and alcohol full time. I hit a bottom and entered treatment in 1984 (at age 22). The most profound thing about recovery to me was the talk about 'spiritual awakening' and 'prayer and meditation'. When I finished the inpatient program, they advised me to pursue becoming a priest. Or something.

I went in head first, and read every book, went to every retreat and meditation center I could find. Talked to everyone who would listen. My friend recommended Van De Wedering's, “The Empty Mirror”, which intrigued me to possibly try a monastery. But, my son was about to be born, so it would have to wait. He's 19 now!. Eventually I decided to become a spiritually oriented counselor, although there was no official degree for that. But psych would be a good start, so I moved to So Cal and went to college. See 'left turn' above. It was in Long Beach where I met this strange man in AA who told me, ”You are not your mind!”. I had no idea what he was talking about. Fifteen years later, he's still my friend and spiritual advisor/AA sponsor. He's the one who told me about Eckhart Tolle last year.

I also found Everyday Zen around then. As a phone student of Joko Beck in the early 90's, I began another phase of the process from which there is undoubtedly no return. I think really looking at reality led me to the freak out in Dallas. While I've tried to 'give up the cushion', I find myself still on this path after all these years. It looks different than I expected. Can you relate?

PRESENT (slight return):
These days I enjoy the process of sharing my path through the community based practise of jazz and meditation, as well as AA. I'm in my 10th year of sobriety.

FUTURE:
My studies have shifted to Tibetan Buddhism, with the Tolle as a regular part of the spiritual diet.  I think I'm in the midst of a transformation, and am interested in others who share these interests in a more than cursory fashion. For me, this isn't a hobby.

 
My Dharma Name: Thubten Palden
(Teachings of Buddha, Possessor of Glory)

Member Since: Tuesday, June 13 2006

Last Visit: Today.

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